羊脂球读书笔记-生日贺卡祝福语

S05 E05
It's from Game of
Thrones. What do you think?
I don't know.
If we're going to start a
fantasy sword collection--
and I've long
thought we should--
is this really the sword to start with?
What did you have in mind?
Well,off the top of my head,I'd
have to go with Excalibur.
It gives you the right to rule England.
It would be a replica of a movie prop.
Fair enough.
It'd give you the right to
rule a replica of England.
Well,they don't have an Excalibur
here,so what do you want to do?
Tough decision.
There's no weaponry from Lord of the
Rings forged in a Chinese sweatshop?
Just Bilbo Baggins' sword over there.
Two grown men with a hobbit's
dagger; wouldn't we look silly?
Okay,let's go for it.
Oh,I see you guys have
found my little treasure.
Yeah. It's okay,I guess.
Okay?It's magnificent.
Buh-buh-buh-buh!
What do you want for it?
Oh,it's hard to put a price on something
that's
a copy of something that was on pay
cable.
But for my friends,let's say 250?
Oh,that's pretty steep.
Well,it's a limited edition.
They only made 8,000 of these bad boys.
Only 8,000?
- We're wasting precious it.
- Hang on.
Can you do any better?
Are you kidding?I'm already giving
you the friends and family discount.
Oh,did you hear that?We're getting
the friends and family discount.
We are honored and we will take it.
Slow down.
Two hundred.
- What are you doing?250 is already the
discounted price.
- Will you shut up?
Tell you what,I'll go 235.
Nope. Maybe another time.
Okay,225-- my
final offer.
Take it,take it.
Two hundred.
Man,you're killing me!
Killing you?I can't breathe.
210,and I'm losing money.
Oh,now,we can't let him lose
money,Leonard.I'm so sorry.
210 and you throw in
the Iron Man helmet.
Are you crazy?
- That helmet's signed by Robert
Downey Jr.
- So?
Okay,if you're going to question the
importance of
an actor's signature on a plastic helmet
from a movie
based on a comic book,then all
of our lives have no meaning!
Okay, the sword,210.
Thank you. I can eat meat this week.
See that?
I just saved us 40 bucks.
I've long said,what you lack in academic
knowledge you make up for in street
smarts.
You want me to wrap it?
No,it's okay.I'm gonna
stab my friend in the chest.
Hey,Stuart.
Ah,hey,Wil.
Hello,Wil Wheaton.
Hi, sword.
It's part of my sword collection.
Do you have a sword collection?
No. I'm not surprised.
Here's the Batman 612 with the Jim
Lee alternate cover that you wanted.
do I owe you?
- 40 bucks.
- Good deal.
't even ask for the
friends and family discount.
Hey,I'm having a party at my house on
Friday,and I was hoping you would stop
by. Will there be girls there?
- Yeah,of course.
- 'Cause there wasn't last time.
There will be girls.
You guys are invited
if you want to come by.
Thank you.
All right,.
I see what you're doing.
You accept an invitation to a
party at the home of my sworn enemy,
he tells everyone we're going to be
there,and
when we don't show,he looks the fool.
Fiendishly clever.
I was actually thinking about going.
And then declaring the party
a fiasco and storming out,
leaving him humiliated
in front of his guests.
Love it.
No,I was gonna grab Raj and
Howard and have a good time.
Oh,great,more guys.
It's gonna be another
Wil Wheaton sausage-fest.
Possibly.
Can you or can't you?
It's not that simple,Leonard.
It never is,is it?
At this moment,our relationship exists
in two mutually contradictory states.
Until you either do not go
or go to Wil Wheaton's party,
you are simultaneously my
friend and not my friend.
I'm characterizing this phenomenon
as Schrodinger's Friendship.
- Got I have my water?
- Of course.
Now get it yourself,you traitor.
Wait,what is going on?
In case you have forgotten,Schrodinger's
cat is a thought experiment...
No,no,I didn't forget.
Um,there's this cat in a box and until you
open it,it's either dead or alive or both.
Although,back in Nebraska,our cat
got stuck in my brother's camp trunk,
and we did not need to open it to know
there was all kinds of dead cat in there.
Homespun stories,knowledge of

physics and a bosom that defies it.
You're the whole package,aren't you?
Sorry I'm late.
Uh,I got great news.
NASA picked my team's design for
the deep field space telescope
that's going on the International
Space Station this spring.
Howie,that's wonderful!Congratulations!
- It gets better.
Someone has to go up with the telescope
as a
payload specialist,and guess who that
someone is.
Muhammad Li.
Who's Muhammad Li?
Muhammad is the most common first
name
in the world,Li,the most common
surname.
As I didn't know the answer,I thought
that gave me a mathematical edge.
It's me,Sheldon. It's me.
I'm going up in space!
Technically,I'm an astronaut.
That's amazing!
Hang on a doesn't
have a shuttle anymore.
How are you going to get up there?
Oh,well,it's really cool.
You fly to Moscow,they
take you out to Kazakhstan,
and then you get into a Russian Soyuz
rocket
which shoots you into a low earth orbit.
Or just sits there on the launch pad
because the
Kazakhi mafia sold the rocket fuel on the
black market.
Are those Russian rockets safe?
Well,I mean,safe as it can be when it was
built
by the good folks who brought you
Chernobyl.
I'd like to propose a toast.
The dream go up into space is one we
all
share,and Howard's making that a reality.
We're all very proud of you.
Cheers.
- That was a lovely toast. Kudos.
- Thank you.
Simultaneously,a festival of
cloying cliché sicken me.
You're really everything okay?
Fine.
Just a little tired.
I hope not too tired,because I'm
feeling particularly masculine right now.
All systems go,if you catch my drift.
I always catch your drift.
All right,well,something's
obviously bugging you.
What is it?
I just can't believe you signed up for the
space program without even talking to
me.
Oh,I get it.
You're worried about me.
That is so sweet.
You know,there's a
saying we have at NASA.
What makes the right stuff so
right is that it always comes home.
Just stop talking,Howard.
This isn't the reaction I expected when
I told you I was gonna be an astronaut.
What did you think was going to
happen?
Honestly?
- Sex.
- Howard.
- Do you realize what a big deal this is?
What an honor it is to be
chosen to go into space?
Yeah,I get it.
I just wish you included
me in the decision.
We're supposed to be partners.
We're supposed to be a team.
I'm sorry. You're right.
Okay,let's try this again.
Bernadette,an opportunity has come up
that
impacts both of us,and I'd like to discuss
it.
Okay.
I've been offered a chance to go up to the
International Space Station for three
weeks.
What are your thoughts on that?
Well,first of all,thank you for including
me in the decision-making process.
Hey,we're a team.
So,what do you think?
- No.
- No?
- No.
- Why not?
Howard,my father was a police officer.
We never knew from one night to the
next if he was going to come home alive.
It was horrible.
And I don't want to
live that way with you.
Hey,my father abandoned me
and my mother when I was 11.
We never saw him again.
Oh,boo-hoo,you're not going to space!
Pretty cool about Howard,huh?
Don't talk to me as if
nothing's happened between us.
And yes,it sure is,buddy.
For God's sake,will you stop
with the Schrodinger stuff.
Would you prefer a simpler application
of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle,
in which I could either know where you
are or whether I like you,but not both?
You never stop talking,do you?
I don't understand.
What differences does it make if
Leonard goes to Wil Wheaton's party?
Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy.
- Mortal
enemy?- Mm-hmm.
Sheldon,I know you're a bit of
a left- handed monkey wrench,but...
you really have a mortal enemy?
In fact,I have 61 of them.
Would you like to see the list?
Oh,say no,say no,say no,say no.
You just got off the
you like back on it?
This'll just take a moment.
It's on a five and a
quarter inch floppy.
A floppy disk?
Well,I started the list when I was nine.
How did Wil Wheaton get on the list?
- Oh,God!
- Oh! Come on!
As a child,I loved Wesley Crusher,Wil
Wheaton's character on Star Trek.
So,I drove for hours by bus
to a Star Trek convention at

which Wil Wheaton was scheduled to
appear,so that
I could get my Wesley Crusher action
figure signed.
But he never showed,because apparently,
it was cooler for him to be the
lower-left corner on Hollywood Squares.
Oh,damn! The floppy failed.
Well,whoever was in charge of quality
control at the Verbatim Corporation in
have to believe that.
Evil always thinks it's doing right.

are the droids you're looking for.
I'm going to a party.
I'm not turning R2-D2 and
C-3PO over to the empire!
Not yet.
So,what's gonna happen next?
Are you and Bernadette
He's great.
All right,'re going to Wil's.
This is your last chance.
No,Leonard,this is your last chance.
One day,a historian is
going to come to you and say,

with n Cooper?
And you're going to have to choke back a
hot sob of regret and humiliation as you
1989,
congratulations,you just made the list.
- Howard?
- Change your mind about sex?
I'm still mad,but I'll do it.
No,I've just been thinking.
It doesn't matter if I'm
afraid for your safety.
I don't want to be the person who
stands between you and your dreams.
- Really?
- Really.
If going into space means that much to
you,I will never say another word about
it.
Thank you.
- I love you.
- I love you,too.
- So,sex now?
- Okay.
I just forgot to brush my
teeth.I'll be right back.
I'm ready.
Wait,let me see if I got this right.
You actually asked Bernadette to leave
your house in the middle of the night?
What choice did I have?
She went behind my back and
turned my own mother against me.
You're not only our first astronaut.
You're also the first one of
us to kick a girl out of bed.
You're like a rock star.
Little bit.
I hate to say it,but she
did kind of betray you.
Interesting.
You see betrayal in
others,but not yourself.
Going to Wheaton's party
is not betraying you.
Oh,of course you would
going to break up?
I don't know.
If we're going to get back
together,she's going to have to apologize
and accept that I'm a grown man
who can make his own decisions.
Then she's going to have to convince
your mother to let you go into space.
Obviously.
I had no choice.
I had to tell his mother.
He's like a baby bird.
Do you know he once got an asthma
attack from reading an old library book?
You're kidding.
No,I was there that day.
Sheldon threw his back
out handing him that book.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
I don't want to break up over this.
Okay,why don't you just
tell him you made a mistake?
Do you guys think it was a mistake?
Am I the bad guy in this?
It's not for us to judge.
We're just here to provide comfort and
support while you
come to grips with what a despicable
thing you've done.
Oh,God,you're right.
I took our love and threw it
under his bus-sized mother.
I need to apologize.
Well,that-that's good.I'm
glad you came to that.
But before you do,let me just
ask you a big picture question.
What?
Are you 100% positive you love
and want to marry Howard Wolowitz?
I do,with all my heart.
Got had to check.
mumble,
was,but chose to go to a party
thrown by the
one kid from Stand By Me that no one
remembers.
- You want to drive?
- Sure.
- Hey,Sheldon?
- Oh, picked me,you picked
me.
No,I just got a text from Stuart.
Brent Spiner is at the party.
Brent Spiner?
- Yes.
- I don't care.
Really?
Brent Spiner, himself.
You love him.
I did,but I think I've kind of outgrown
Star Trek.
You know,stock characters,ludicrous
plots,
What a load of hooey.
I'm going.
Live long and prosper,Sheldon.
Yeah,even look like a dork.
Howard,Bernadette's here!
Tell her I'm not home!
What kind of a schmuck play is
that?!She can hear you shouting!
- Can we talk?
- You can.
I have nothing to say.
All right.
I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry
I said something to your mother.
I was gonna tell her eventually,but
you went behind my back.
I know. I'm sorry. I got scared.
If you're gonna love me,you're
gonna have to love the whole package:
the tenderhearted poet

and the crazy daredevil.
I know.
Well,don't say it if you're not gonna
It's my last one.
I want you to have it.
Look, Wheaton is my
mean it,'cause
I'm not just gonna stop with the space
station.
Yeah,I want to go to the
Moon,I want to go to Mars.
I want to take a one-man sub to
the lowest depths of the ocean.
Really?
You got seasick on
Pirates of the Caribbean.
Well,those big kids were rocking it.
I just did what I did because I love you
so much,and
the thought of losing you is more than I
can handle.
- Really?
- You're my soul mate.
This is where you kiss me.
Right,right.
Make up all you want!Your tuchis
is not leaving this planet!
Hey,you know that beautiful actress who
plays the Borg Queen in First Contact?<
- Yeah.
- Well,I just met her gynecologist!
What are you doing here?
Fighting for our friendship.
As peculiar and annoying as you
can be,you're still my little buddy.
I'm not going to let
that end here tonight.
Now put down that drink,let's
meet Brent Spiner and go home.
Hey,Sheldon,I'm so glad you made it.
I found something I
think you might like.
What I'd like is for him to
have a more depressing home.
This is quite lovely.
This is for you.
An original mint-in- package
Wesley Crusher action figure.
I remembered your story about
the time you went to a convention
when you were a kid to get one
signed,and I didn't show up.
Look at what I wrote.

friend,Wil Wheaton
friend!
I haven't seen one of these in years.
Remember how we used to make these
things look like they were masturbating?
Brent Spiner,what have you done?!
That was an original mint-in-package
Wesley Crusher action figure
signed by my close personal friend,Wil
Wheaton.
Sorry,Slim.
I've got some dolls
in the trunk of my car.
You want me to sign one for you?
You've already signed
something,Brent Spiner.
Your name my list.
From ts me o you are myortal enemy.
Don'worr It doesn't take
up a wle l of your time.
Come o bud.
Let's not ste another
second on this loser.
Love your house.
Can we get autographed dolls?
Sure
20 bucks.
Ten.
- $$18.
- $$12.
- $$16.
- o for $$30.
And you come to my birthday party.
Done.