看动画片学英语《海绵宝宝》英文字幕第六季
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海绵宝宝
第六季
英文字幕
目录
Season 6
101 House Fancy
Krabby Road
102
Penny Foolish
Nautical Novice
103 Spongicus
Suction Cup Symphony
104 Not Normal
Gone
105
The Splinter
Slide
Whistle Stooges
106 A Life in a Day
Sun Bleached
107 Giant Squidward
No Nose
Knows
108 Patty Caper
Plankton's Regular
109 Boating Buddies
The Krabby Kronicle
110 The
Slumber Party
Grooming Gary
111 SpongeBob SquarePants vs. The Big
One
112
Porous Pockets
Choir
Boys
113
Krusty Krushers
The
Card
114 Dear Vikings
Ditchin
115 Grandpappy the Pirate
Cephalopod Lodge
116 Squid's
Visit
To SquarePants
or Not to SquarePants
117 Shuffleboarding
Professor Squidward
118 Pet or
Pests
Komputer
Overload
119 Gullible Pants
Overbooked
120 No Hat for Pat
Toy Store of Doom
101 *House Fancy*
Dialogue
(Episode
starts
at
Squidward's
house.
Squidward
is
humming
the
Fancy
theme
song while doing
these
activities.
Squidward places some tea
on a
table, then gets
a
stack
of
cookies,
then
picks
up
the
remote,
then
fluffs
both
of
his
pillows,
then
sits
down
and
turns
on
the
TV.
A
square
and
a
triangle
are
moving
around,
Squidward
sips his tea, then the shapes turn into
a house. A bird flies on the house, and a
sound
bubble
comes
out
of
his
mouth
that
says
Fancy
A
rainbow
and
a
chimney
appears
on
the
house,
then
the
scene
opens
like
a
door,
revealing
Nicholas
Whiters)
Nick: Hello,
and welcome one and all, to a super special
episode of House Fancy.
I'm your host,
Nicholas Whithers. (
first, very special
guest on today's show will be none other than...
(Squidward's
phone rings)
Squidward: Oh. (Squidward
walks up to the phone. Then says hello's) Hello.
Hello.
(picks up the phone, and says it
in a sweet voice) Hello.
Squilliam: Hello.
Squidward: (gasps) This
isn't Squilliam Fancyson, my life long rival who I
met in
high school band class, is it?
Squilliam: The
same. You wouldn't happen to be watching House
Fancy, would you?
Squidward: I was, until you called.
Squilliam:
Well
Squiddy,
I
enjoy
our
chat,
but
my
catered
lunch
awaits.
And
you
know
how hard
being fabulous is on an empty stoumach. (laughs)
Squidward:
Wait, why did you ask me if I was watching House
Fancy?
Nick:
Sorry Squilliam, but we've gotta get back to the
show.
Squiward:
Who's that talking in the background?
Squilliam: Oh I'm
dreadfully sorry, Nicki dear. Well, tooteloo
Squidward. (it is
revealed that he is
on the program) Enjoy the program
Nick: Okay folks, House
Fancy will be right back after these important
messages.
(Squidward drops his tea cup.
Scene then cuts to Nick and Squilliam) Welcome
back
to House Fancy. I'm Nicholas
Whithers, and here next to me is Squilliam
Fancyson.
Squilliam: Hello, peasants. (Squidward
is angry)
Nick:
Let me start, with saying what a lovely facade you
have, Mr. Fancyson.
Squilliam: Why thank you, Nick.
Nick: And
you're house doesn't look too bad either. (both
laugh)
Squilliam: Oh, Nicky.
Nick:
Camera
crew,
can
we
get
a
shot
of
Squilliam
Fancyson's
fabulous
house,
please?
(zooms out, revealing that it looks
like Squidward's house)
Squidward:
Hey,
that's
no
better
than
my
house!
(goes
up,
revealing
that
it
is
much
larger
than Squidward's house. cuts to the inside of his
house)
Squilliam: I give you welcome, to my
foyer.
Nick:
It's simply glorious! (Squidward gets angry)
Squidward:
(mocking) It's simply glorious!
Squilliam: It certainly is,
Nicky.
Nick:
It's like I've died and gone to fancy heaven!
(scene cuts to the opening
background.
The
birds
head
gets
replaces
the
then
cuts
back
to
Squilliams
house)
Is that what I think it is?
Squilliam: It sure is, it's
a gilded door knob.
Nick: Absolutely magical!
Squilliam: Absolutely
imported.
Nick:
May I?
Squilliam: Of course. (Nick turns it)
Nick: Oh,
lovely.
Squilliam: Idn't it?
Nick: Well, I have to say
Squilliam, and I think that i'm speaking for all
of our
viewers
out there when I say this you, are truly a fancy
man.
Squilliam:
Well,
of
all
this
gushing
perfectly
deserved.
(Squidward
is
still
angry)
And now, i'd like to present to you my
most favorite room, in the house (Squilliam
opens the door, revealing the bathroom)
It's all custom. Ah, look at this, it's my
jewel encrusted toilet paper holder.
Nick:
Such
amazing
class.
(Squidward
is
even
more
angry,
then
some
houses
turn
into
the title, then cuts to Nick and
Squilliam)
Squilliam: Come, let me show you, the
roof.
Nick: An
elevator?
Squilliam: Watch your step. (Squilliam
opens the elevator, then they step inside,
and
press
the
button
that
says
This
may
take
a
while.
Just
sit
back
and
relax.
(water
fills some of the eleveator)
Nick: What the? A whirl
pool bath elevator?
Squilliam: I brought some soap. (They
then get to the roof) All ashore. Welcome,
to
my
roof
top
garden.
Romantic
grotto,
sparkling
berry
mineral
soda
waterfall,
and,
my personal favorite, a 130 foot long
sculpture of my unibrow.
Nick: It's huge, and lifelike!
Squilliam:
If
you
look
closely,
you'll
notice
that
it's
made
entirely
out
of
gilded
door
knobs.
Nick:
You have the fanciest... (phone rings)
Squilliam: What?
Nick: You have
the fanciest... (phone rings again)
Squilliam: I have the
fanciest ring?
Nick: No, you're phone is ringing.
Squilliam:
Oh.
(walks
up
to
phone,
and
picks
it
up)
Hello.
Oh
yeah,
hang
on.
(talking
to Nick) It's for you.
Nick: Hello. Hello. (talks
on phone) Hello.
Squidward:
Hello, my
name is Squidward
Tentacles, and my
house is far fancier
than
that slob Squilliam's!
Nick: Really?
Squidward: Really!
Nick: Okay,
we'll be at your house in two hours with a camera
crew. (hangs up)
Squidward:
Two
hours?
But
I
haven't
even
got
time
to
wash
my
hair.
(screams)
There's
a stain on the rug! (it was the tea
stain from earlier) I'll just use this chair
to hide it. There we go. Now i'll
just... (screams again) There's a hideous hole
in the wall! I'll just use this
painting to cover it up. Perfect. (screams again,
because there is a faded spot where the
painting was) Oh no! (looks at the time)
I'll never get this place in shape in
time! (notices SpongeBob in the window)
SpongeBob! How long have you been
spying on me?
SpongeBob: Umm... What day is it?
Squidward: It's
the day you go away, and never come back.
SpongeBob: But
Squidward, if I do that, then how am I going to
help you get your
house ready for the
big TV show?
Squidward: How'd you know about that?
SpongeBob: I
was spying on you.
Squidward:
Do
you
want
me
to
get
the
cops
down
here
again?
Because...
(looks
at
the
time
again, then sighs) All right, fine. But one slip
up, and you are out of here.
Comprender? (SpongeBob is behind him)
SpongeBob:
¡Mucho comprendo, Señor Habanero! (Cuts to later)
Squidward:
All
right,
first
of
all:
I'm
going
to
give
you
something
so
simple,
that
a
person without a brain could even get it done
right.
SpongeBob: Well that's good, because I
lent my brain to Patrick for the weekend.
Squidward:
Really?
SpongeBob: No, not really. He traded me
these 2 chocolate bars for it.
Squidward:
I
don't
care!
Just
use
this
paint
to
cover
up
that
faded
spot
on
the
wall
right there.
Don't do anything else!
SpongeBob:
Okay.
(SpongeBob
picks
up
the
brush,
then
throws
it
away
and
absorbs
the
paint, then splatters
the paint around)
Squidward: SpongeBob, what was that
noise? (screams) Skin me alive, and drench me
in boiling oil! What have you done to
my living room? I told you just to paint the
faded spot.
SpongeBob: Well, it all looked kinda
faded. (Squidward growls, then looks at the
clock again)
Squidward: Never mind! Maybe it won't
show up on camera. Here, help me move this
sofa.
SpongeBob: You got it, Squiddy. Where
are we moving her to?
Squidward:
Hang
on,
i'm
trying
to
get
the
grip
on
the
thing.
Now
don't
move
it
until
I say... (SpongeBob moves it on his
foot) OW! Okay, it's on my foot. Now don't...
(SpongeBob moves it again) OW!
SpongeBob:
Okay. (moves it again, ripping off Squidward's
toenail)
Squidward:
OW!
SpongeBob,
I
told
you
not
to
move
it
until
I
say...
(SpongeBob
drops
it on his foot) OW! Why do you keep
moving it?
SpongeBob: 'Cause you keep saying OW!
(Squidward screams, and lifts it up)
Squidward: I don't need
you, I can move it myself. (slips on toenail, and
trips)
SpongeBob: Wow Squidward, you're so
strong. (there is a crash) And you split your
sofa in half. It'll be really easy to
move now. (doorbell rings)
Squidward:
Oh
no,
they're
all
ready
here!
Go
get
a
vaccum
and
clean
up
all
the
sofa
bits.
I've gotta run upstairs and dress my wound
SpongeBob:
Roger! (SpongeBob walks on screen with a vaccum)
Okay Squidward, found
the
vaccum.
Squidward?
Well
i'll
just
vacumm
for
him.
(SpongeBob
vaccums
a
big)
Hmm,
Squidward's house is really messy. I'm
going to need some extra power. (SpongeBob
struggles to flip the switch, and the
switch breaks. The vaccum goes haywire, and
vaccums up a rug, a plant, a sculpture
of Squidward, then the sofa, then the book
case, then everything else)
Squidward:
Okay
SpongeBob,
I
finished...
What
the?
(everything
in
Squidward's
house
is in the vaccum)
SpongeBob:
Don't
worry
Squidward,
i'll
turn
it
off.
(SpongeBob
tries
to
turn
it
off,
but gets
sucked in)
Squidward:
Come
out
of
there.
(doorbell
rings
again)
Uh,
hang
on
please.
(Squidward
tries to push the
bag, and the door bell rings again) Please, just
one more minute
Nick. (door opens, and
it's Patrick)
Patrick:
Who's
Nick?
Sorry
Squidward
I
couldn't
wait
any
longer,
i've
gotta
use
your
toilet.
No
questions.
Thanks.
(Patrick
runs
into
the
bathroom,
struggles,
then
the
toilet
flushes, then comes out) Phew. I wouldn't go in
there for a couple days. Or
weeks.
(Squidward's toilet comes out of his bathroom
groaning)
Toilet:
Please, please,
somebody
put
me
out of
my
misery.
(toilet jumps
into
Squidward's
hands)
Have
mercy
on
my
soul.
(toilet
dies,
then
Patrick
opens
the
door
again)
Patrick: Oh hey Squidward,
if you see SpongeBob, can you give him his brain
back?
I was borrowing it for the
weekend. I'll just set it here. (Patrick puts his
brain
on the floor) See ya' (walks
away, and the vaccum then sucks it up. SpongeBob
is
eating a chocolate bar)
SpongeBob: Thank you
Patrick. (the vaccum says that it's on full
capacity)
Squidward: Oh no! (Squidward's house
explodes. Scene then cuts to the House Fancy
background, then to Nick)
Nick: Hello, and welcome
back to House Fancy. We're arriving at the home of
Mr.
Squidward
Tentacles,
who
claims
his
house
is
far
more
fancier
than
that
of
Squilliam
Fancyson. Let's take a look. (both are
shocked because of Squidward's house) Well
I, I, I, Well I don't know how to say
this...
Squilliam: Go ahead, say it.
Nick: Squidward
Tentacles, you seem to have ushered in an entire
new era in House
Fancyness!
Squilliam: Huh?
Squidward: I have. I have?
Nick:
What
you
have
done
here
harckons
back
to
the
lustrious
post-pimitive
movement
popularized
by
famous
designer
Saul
Limpkins.
Say,
was
he
a
big
inspiration
for
you?
Squidward: Why,
yes. I've studied him for years. (Squilliam gulps)
Nick: I would
like to announce, that Squidward's house will be
featured in an hour
long,
commercial
free
House
Fancy
special,
and
Squidward
will
be
crowned
House
Fancy
prince, of the year!
In honor which, was originally to be bestowed on
Squilliam,
but now isn't. (Squilliam
falls)
Squidward: Yay!
SpongeBob
talking
and
Squilliam
crying:
Oh,
don't
worry
Squilliam,
I
might
be
able
to get Squidward to
help redecorate your house. He is a personal
friend of mine.
You know success hasn't
gone to his head? He is still the same old great
guy, he
has not changed.
*Krabby
Road*
Dialogue
The
episode
begins
in
front
of
the
Bikini
Bottom
Jail.
The
weather
is
thunder
storming
badly, and then we
come inside to find 2 police officers.
Police Officer #1: ...and
this is the maximum level. Since this is your
first day,
I'll let you peek at our
number one inmate. (He begins to whisper... you
see them
walk into a huge room that the
floor is just a thin line and a huge jail cell in
the middle of it.) He's too dangerous
to let him around the other inmates.
Police Officer #2: Why?
What he'd do? Rob a bank?
Police Officer #1: Worse! He'd tried to
steal the Krabby Patty formula.
Police Officer #2: Oh-kay.
Police
Officer
#1:
So
that's
why
we
keep
him
behind
these
impenatratable
6-inch
steel
doors. (While he says that, he knocks
on the door and the door opens.) Of course,
it helps to lock it. (They both run
into the cell.) He's gone! He's so small, he
could be anywhere!
Police
Officer
#2:
He
could
be
right
under
our
noses!
(Camera
goes
to
Police
Officer
#1's
moustache;
the
moustache
then
jumps
off
of
the
guy's
face,
running
away)
Umm...
Frank,
where's
your
moustache?
(Camera
changes
to
the
siren
outside
of
the
jail
and
we
see
spotlights
everywhere
to
find
him.
We
see
the
moustache
run
through
the
halls
and then under the
door. We then notice that it's Plankton under it.)
Plankton:
Ha-ha!
Those
fools
will
never
find
me
now!
(We
all
notice
that
the
moustache
makes
him
have
a
like
hair
style.
Scene
changes
to
in
front
of
the
Chum
Bucket,
where Plankton is talking to his wife.)
Oh come on, baby. You know how long I've
been in stir.
Karen: Get out! (Literally kicks
Plankton out of the Chum Bucket.) And stay out!
You two time loser!
Plankton: After everything
I've done for you.
Karen: BEAT IT, YOU JAIL BIRD, AND TAKE
ALL OF YOUR JUNK, TOO! (She kicks out a box
of his stuff out of the Chum Bucket
too. Plankton tries to struggle out under of
the box)
Plankton:
Well,
that's
just
great.
(Plankton
notices
his
Electric
Guitar.)
Hey!
Its
my
old
guitar.
I
used
to
play
it,
when
I
was
in
that
band,
as
a
kid.
Man,
those
were
good times. (A
flashback starts and it shows Plankton in a 2 year
old bedroom. His
electric
guitar
is
shown
with
a
drum
set
and
a
guitar
being
by
his
stuffed
animals.) Okay
everybody! One two... one two three! (You see
Plankton try to play
it and you see the
rest of them doing nothing, as they were stuffed
animals. His
cocoa
falls
over
and
you
see
him
annoyed.
Then
the
flashback
ends.)
You
know,
I
don't
think I've had any
good times.
SpongeBob:
(SpongeBob's
voice
can
be
heard.
A
few
seconds
later,
you
see
him
on
the
street
behind Plankton singing a song.)
Oh I wish I was grinding up
the Krabby Patties.
That's
what I really love to do.
Take a couple Boo-Ooh-Ooh!
And a pinch of Awoogah!
A teaspoon of *raspberry*
Gerblish*
Then I mix some of this and put it over
there,
as I write this
song.
Mix in
some...
Nyah-Nyah-
Nyah!
Add a splash of
wee...
(*takes out giant
knife*)
And when I'm done, I
chop up some
Love....
Plankton: (Listens to SpongeBob's song
and then talks during the
of...
that
song,
I'll
have
the
Krabby
Patty
formula.
Mix
in
some...
Hi, SpongeBob.
Nyah-Nyah-Nyah
That's
a
real
nice
song.
Add
a
splash
of
wee...
But
could
you
explain
those
knife being tossed on the ground. The
song ends.) Are you out of your mind? Er, I
mean, that was a delightful song you
were singing.
SpongeBob:
Thanks,
Plankton.
(SpongeBob
waves
at
Plankton)
Mr.
Krabs
makes
me
censor
out all the patty
ingredients from my lyrics.
Plankton: Oh, that's
terrible. Krabs shouldn't stifle a true artist
like you! Go
ahead and sing your patty
song uncensored!
SpongeBob: (*gasps*) I know what you're
doing!
Plankton: What, me? I'm not trying to
steal the patty formula!
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob points at
Plankton.) You want me to... join your band!
Plankton: What
band? I don't have a band.
SpongeBob:
Oh,
but
you
can't
fool
me!
Not
when
you
got
an
awesome
guitar
like
that!
And
only a true rocker would have hair as greasy and
nasty as yours. It'll be so
cool! We
could write songs together!
Plankton: Songs? (Plankton
smiles with a brilliant idea.) Yes! And you can
teach
me your Krabby Patty songs!
SpongeBob:
Yay!
Come
on,
let's
go
get
our
band
together!
(Scene
changes
to
in
front
of
Squidward's
house.
SpongeBob
is
holding
Plankton's
guitar
and
Plankton
is
on
it.
SpongeBob and Patrick
starts yelling in excitement.) Patrick, Patrick!
Patrick:
SpongeBob, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Patrick, I've got big news!
Patrick: Me
too! Me too!
SpongeBob: What's your news?
Patrick: (Both
calm down.) I found out where boogers come from.
(Patrick whispers
into SpongeBob's ears
indistinctly, and tells him where they come from.
SpongeBob
is shocked, but then is a
little grossed out.)
SpongeBob: Ew, really?
Patrick: (Nods
in agreement.) Uh-huh. What's your news?
SpongeBob:
Plankton
just
asked
me
to
join
his
Rock-N-
Roll
band!
(Gets
excited
again,
and asks Plankton...) Can Patrick join
our band?
Plankton: Sure, whatever.
SpongeBob: Hear that,
Patrick. You're in.
Patrick: All right! I play a mean
belly. (He starts playing to the tune of,
William Tell Overture
at
Plankton and SpongeBob.)
SpongeBob:
Wow,
Patrick,
we're
gonna
be
famous!
(SpongeBob
hugs
Patrick
while
still
holding
onto
the
guitar,
and
they
hear
Squidward
laughing.
Squidward
walks
towards
them and talks.)
Squidward:
Give
me
a
break.
You
don't
know
anything
about
music!
Too
bad
you're
not
a musical genius, like me.
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob gets
an idea.) Oh, Squidward... (SpongeBob trips
Squidward
over by holding his legs down
on the ground. Squidward says
you help
us by joining our band?
Squidward: (Squidward gets up.) Well, I
could help you, but I wouldn't soil my art
playing Rock-N-Roll; dressing all in
black, wearing boots covered in spikes, (as
he continues, he imagine that it's
worth it, and slowly changes his mind) playing
enormous stadiums filled with
screaming, adoring fans... (Squidward smiles to
the
idea)
clapping,
demanding
encores...
cheering
me...
(He
imitates
cheering...
stops
after a few seconds.) Oh, uh, changed
my mind. I'll join your band and help you
bottom-feeders, (bursts out rest of the
line) BUT I gotta get in shape first!
(Squidward leaves to his house.)
SpongeBob:
Isn't this great, Plankton? Squidward is gonna
help us!
Plankton: Hmm? Uh yea, great. (Bubble
transition appears and the scene changes to
SpongeBob
and
Patrick
in
SpongeBob's
garage.
We
see
SpongeBob
in
an
80's
Rock-N-Roll
outfit, with an
afro wig.)
SpongeBob: You know, Patrick, being in
a band gives you the liberty to dress with
a little more... uh, how should I put
this?
Patrick:
Yeah?
SpongeBob: Well, with just a little
more...
Patrick: (Furious) Go ahead, say it,
SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: You know, Pizzazz!
Patrick:
(Clears
throat
and
continues)
Perhaps
you
didn't
notice...
my
new
hairdo.
SpongeBob
(SpongeBob
looks
behind
him
and
Patrick
has
a
ponytail
hairstyle.)
Whoa-ho-ho, I stand corrected!
Patrick: And
unlike your nasty, little wig... (He pulls of
SpongeBob's wig) mine
is real! (He
shows it by pulling it and it doesn't come off.)
SpongeBob: Man,
how'd you grow that so fast?
Patrick:
Natural
talent,
watch
this...
(Patrick
shows
that
he
can
make
his
hair
come
in and
out of his skin and make it in any hairdo he
wants.)
SpongeBob: Whoo, yeah! (SpongeBob
claps) Dig that fancy follicle work!
Patrick: Hey, check this
one out. (Patrick does the trick again, but this
time, he
makes it an
SpongeBob:
Oh
man,
Squidward's
not
gonna
want
to
miss
this.
(SpongeBob
calls
Squidward)
Squidward: Hello?
SpongeBob: Squidward,
aren't you coming to band practice?
Squidward: Are you kidding?
I've got a lot of work to do before I'm famous!
(Shows
Squidward about to exercise...
Squidward tries to, but breaks an unknown part.
Squidward hangs up, and we hear a dial
tone)
SpongeBob: (Laughs) Ok, then, we'll
keep your seat warm. (SpongeBob snaps once)
Patrick?
Patrick:
I'm
on
it.
(It
shows
Patrick
making
a
fire
under
his
seat
to
keep
it
warm.
Plankton
finally comes in the garage. He's carrying a box.)
Plankton:
Greetings, fellow band-mates.
SpongeBob: Hey, Plankton,
what's that?
Plankton: (Plankton puts the box down)
T-shirts.
(Next
2 lines are said at the same time)
SpongeBob: (Gasps) Patrick:
Ooh! Both: Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy... (Both
laugh)
SpongeBob:
Ah,
(SpongeBob
begins
to
be
confused)
and
the...
Patty
Stealers
Plankton: (Starts to sweat
manically) Uh, if you guys don't like the name,
uh...
SpongeBob: I... LOVE IT! It's kind of
vague and mysterious.
Patrick:
Can
I
get
mine
in
Pink?
(Plankton
growls.
The
scene
skips
to
where
they're
wearing
the
shirt
and
Patrick
laughs.
Patrick's
shirt
color
makes
his
skin
perfectly.)
It looks like a tattoo!
SpongeBob: Hey, Plankton,
can our first song go like this? (SpongeBob makes
some
loud
music
with
voice)
And
then
turn
into
one
of
those
songs
that
goes...
(SpongeBob
makes a high pitched screech.)
Plankton: (He's
annoyed both times by covering his ears, and then
resumes to his
normal
attitude.) Yes, perfect, now
all we need
are the
lyrics. You know something
personal. Maybe a secret you know, or a
favorite recipe, hmm?
SpongeBob: Or... one about my new
friend Plankton?
(Next
2
lines
are
said
together.)
Plankton:
Stop
it!
(Growls
after
SpongeBob
stops)
SpongeBob: Or the
adventures of...
Plankton:
(Plankton
clips
SpongeBob's
lips
with
a
tool)
The
best
kind
of
lyrics
are
the ones that are deep
and revealing. Something only you know? *coughs*
Secret
recipe.
Patrick: I once searched for my
innermost secrets. All I found was this. (Patrick
shows that he's holding his heart.)
SpongeBob:
(Still
muffled)
Is
that
what
you
mean,
Plankton?
(Plankton
slaps
his
head
with annoyance. Scene skips to later
that day when Plankton has a machine in the
garage. He grunts as he carries it.)
What is that?
Plankton: It's my, uh, recording
equipment. (He then laughs evilly)
SpongeBob:
(Becomes really excited) Oh, my gosh, what do I
do?
Plankton:
(He
scoots
a
chair
next
to
SpongeBob)
Just
take
a
seat
here,
and
I'll
strap
you
in.
(SpongeBob
sits
down,
Plankton
straps
SpongeBob's
arms
on
the
chair
and
puts
a
pair
of
headphones
on
SpongeBob.)
Now
just
relax
and
let
the
equipment
do
its
job.
(Machine
starts
to
beep
and
make
sucking
noises.
On
the
headphone
wire,
you
can
tell
that
it's
sucking
SpongeBob's
brain.)
Let
let's
see
what's
locked
in
his
subconscious.
(The machine makes static crackles.
When Plankton finds a
SpongeBob is the
speaker. SpongeBob sings songs just like a radio.)
The song is in
tune with,
Time
to feed him
Time to feed
him
Now it's Gary's feeding
time.
Mrow mrow meow, mrow
mrow meow.
(While
SpongeBob
sings
the
last
song,
Plankton
says,
and
changes
the
station.
More
static and we hear a new song.)
The song is in tune with,
Brush, Brush,
Brush My Teeth,
Gently keep
them clean
brush brush
brush, my teeth clean!
(Plankton
interrupts,
his
time,
he
ends
the
song.
More
static
is
heard.)
The
Krabby
Patty
Formula's
gotta
be
in
here
somewhere.
(The
machine
makes
a
dead
beeping
noise
and feedback noises to
Plankton. He smacks the machine, says
then
screams
only
to
realize
that
Patrick
is
wearing
the
headphones.
Patrick
goans,
and the machine
explodes. Plankton starts crying.) I'm a failure.
SpongeBob:
Cheer up, Plankton. We've still got a whole week
before our first gig
at the Krusty
Krab. (Plankton still cries.)
Plankton: At the Krusty
Krab? (Plankton stops crying.)
SpongeBob:
Uh-
huh, but Old Man Krabs
doesn't want us
bugging
the customers. So,
we
have to go in after hours
when nobody's there.
Plankton:
(His
spirits
are
lifted.)
When
nobody's
there?
(Plankton
makes
a
purring
noise
with
drool
coming
out
of
his
mouth
at
the
thought
of
it.
The
scene
is
skipped
to
where
they
start
practicing.
SpongeBob
is
playing
Plankton's
guitar,
Patrick
is
doing
his
drums,
and
Plankton,
not
very
excited,
plays
only
one
note
on
his
mini-keyboard.
The
camera
is
moved
to
outside
in
front
of
Squidward
and
SpongeBob's
house, then it's moved where we see
Squidward exercising. He makes one more and he
has huge muscles. He gasps at it.)
Squidward: My perfect dream-body.
(Squidward runs out of his house with his bass
guitar
and
goes
into
SpongeBob's
house
to
practice.
They
then
make
noises
that
sound
like
they're
practicing.
A
time
card
comes
up
and
says
Week
Later...
The
scene
is skipped where the 4 of them are
heading towards the Krusty Krab at nighttime.
They're all wearing their Rock-N- Roll
outfits. We hear from a distance, tire
screeching. We then notice it's a
police car.)
Plankton: Oh, no, it's the cops. I
can't let them see me!
SpongeBob: Why?
Plankton: Why? Uh, cops are autograph
hounds. Yeah, they're always after me.
SpongeBob:
Mm,
that's
tough.
Don't
worry,
I'll
hide
you.
(SpongeBob
hides
Plankton
by sucking him into
his nose. The police car stops in front of them.)
Police Officer:
Hey, what are you kids up to this late?
SpongeBob:
We're on our way to our first gig. We're in a
band.
Police
Officer: A band, huh, well, that's, uh... Oh. (The
cop sees a green thing
coming out of
SpongeBob's nose.) Uh, you've got a, uh...
SpongeBob: Got
a, uh, what? (SpongeBob laughs)
Police Officers: Uh... it's
right... (He points to a nostril on his face.)
SpongeBob: Yes?
(SpongeBob laughs again. The cop motions to wipe
it off. You can
tell Plankton's feet
were coming out.) Police Officer: Just keep your
nose clean,
kid. (Police officer
leaves.) Sure thing, officer. (SpongeBob blows his
nose, and
blows out Plankton.) They're
gone.
Plankton:
You will never speak of this to anyone. (Scene
skips to in front of the
Krusty Krab.)
Come on, come on, hurry up.
SpongeBob:
Don't
worry,
I
just
need
to
get
the
key
out.
(SpongeBob
hums
while
opening
the
door, but is unsuccessul both times to get the key
in the key hole. Plankton
grabs the
key.)
Plankton:
Give me that, you incompetent fool. (Plankton
opens the door and drops
the key on the
ground. Plankton also goes on the ground.) Yes,
the Krabby Patty
Formula is mine! Uh, I
mean, we'll have a great time! (Plankton goes
inside and
whispers to himself.) Now
where does Krabs keep that formula? (SpongeBob
screams
as he
goes inside.)
SpongeBob: Whoo, let's rock!
(The next 2
lines are said at the same time.)
Patrick: Yeah!
Squidward:
We're
gonna
be
stars!
(They're
all
inside
the
Krusty
Krab
and
SpongeBob
hooks up the
speaker set. Plankton is no where to be seen.)
SpongeBob:
(SpongeBob
starts
out
by
acting
all
excited
like
a
rock
stars.)
All
right!
Squidward, are you ready? (Squidward
makes a loud bass guitar strum and replies,
ready!
OK!
Patrick,
are
you
ready?
(Patrick
answers
by
laughing
while
beating
his belly.)
Plankton, are you ready? (Crickets are chirping in
the background.)
Plankton?
(We
see
Plankton
is
stealing
the
formula.
SpongeBob
gasps.)
Plankton!
(He
breaks
the
bottle
by
saying
his
name
in
the
mic
loudly.
The
formula
is
shown
to
the
audience, but all of it is in
gerblish.)
Plankton: Uh... I'm ready?
SpongeBob:
Wait
a
minute...
Was
this
band
just
a
front
so
you
could
steal
the
Krabby
Patty
Secret Formula?
Plankton: What, no, I was in it for the
music, man! (The camera changes to outside
the Krusty Krab and we see 12 police
cars circle around the Krusty Krab. We change
scenes by going back to in front of the
Bikini Bottom Jail. The camera then goes
to Plankton, who's in a caged box.
Plankton sighs.)
Plankton: Well, at least I'm back to my
old cell.
Police Officer #2: Oh, no, you're not.
We've got a special cell for you. (Frank,
or Police Officer #1, moves a small
painting out of the way, unlocks a safe, and
both of them put Plankton in there.)
Plankton: But I
liked my old cell.
Police
Officer
#2:
Then
you're
gonna
love
this
one.
(They
close
the
cell
and
we
see
a small
window on the other side with SpongeBob's eye
poking through.)
SpongeBob:
There's
no
time
to
waste,
Plankton.
(Plankton
looks
outside.)
We've
only
got 22 years to
practice before our next gig. (We now see that all
3 of them are
there, about to
practice.) A one and a two... (They start
practicing and Plankton
screams.)
102 *Penny Foolish*
Dialogue
(Episode starts at the Discount Grocery
Mart. Mr. Krabs places a basket of items
on the counter and the Saleslady scans
them)
Saleslady: Price check on industrial
size econo pack of raw fiber.
Mr.
Krabs:
Ah,
it
goes
in
like
steel
wool,
but
comes
out
like
an
angel
from
heaven.
Saleslady: Please, tell me more.
Mr. Krabs: Ooh,
well, this one time I...
Saleslady: Not really!
Mr. Krabs: I didn't think
so. Ooh wait, I almost forgot me coupons! (hands
lady a
lot of coupons) There's a couple
double ones in there too.
Saleslady: Sir, these expired over
thirty years ago.
Mr. Krabs: What does that mean?
Saleslady: It
means they're no good. Sir, I'll just throw those
away for you.
Mr. Krabs: No, wait! I'll take 'em.
Saleslady: Okay
sir, your change stay is going to be exactly ten
cents.
Mr.
Krabs: Come to Papa! Come to Papa! (two nickels
slide out) Yay! Two nickels.
(laughs,
then gasps as he notices SpongeBob walking on the
street) Hey, that's
SpongeBob
out
there!
(SpongeBob
does
some
weird
things)
What
in
blue
blazes
is
that
boy up to? (SpongeBob
points to something that appears to be a penny,
then picks
it
up)
Well,
I'll
be
a
jerracter
jellyfish!
SpongeBob
found
a
penny!
A
bright
shiny
penny just sitting there, and he picked
it right up! Huh, I can remember the whole
thing as if it just happened a moment
ago. (Mr. Krabs imagines what just happened)
SpongeBob (in
the thought bubble): Sir, Sir...(is actually
Saleslady)
Saleslady: ...Sir.
Mr. Krabs:
What?
Saleslady: You're holding up the line.
Mr. Krabs: Ooh,
I am?
Saleslady: Next please. (cuts to night
where Mr. Krabs is driving his boat)
Mr.
Krabs:
Interesting
how
things
work
out
that
way.
Some
folks
just
walk
along
and
stumble
over free money, while others, others, they work!
(zooms out seeing that
there's another
car next to his and hearing gibberish from Mr.
Krabs)
Billy:
Hey mommy, look at that weird guy in the car over
there!
Billy's
Mom: Billy, mommy's watching the road right now.
Mr. Krabs: I
mean why couldn't I have just walked along and
found it? I have legs
too
you
know!
(sighs)
How
about
a
little
music.
(music
dial
turns
into
a
penny)
Okay,
okay, get a grip
Krabs. Just concentrate on driving. (steering
wheel turns into a
penny.
Mr.
Krabs
screams
and
let's
go
of
it,
then
holds
it
again)
Okay,
getting
all
worked up over a little coin. (laughs)
Ah, it must just be the full moon. Wait a
second. (moon turns into a penny, and
Mr. Krabs screams) I gotta have that penny!
(cuts to next day at the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob walks in) Good morning SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Good
morning, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Find anything special
lately?
SpongeBob: Yes!
Mr. Krabs: Really?
SpongeBob: Yup!
Mr. Krabs: And you want to
share it with your old uncle Krabs, don't you boy?
SpongeBob: Of
course!
Mr.
Krabs: Great! Well, share it with me!
SpongeBob: (laughs) I
already am sharing it with you, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs:
Wha.. What?
SpongeBob: The thing I found was a
bright, shiny, new...Day! Well I'll be in the
kitchen if you need me. (talking to
Squidward) Good morning Squidward.
Squidward: Don't talk to
me.
SpongeBob:
Mr. Krabs seems to be in a good mood today.
Squidward:
That
count's
as
talking.
(SpongeBob
walks
into
the
kitchen,
and
Mr.
Krabs
is in there)
SpongeBob:
Whoa! Hello again, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Hello,
SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: What can I do you for?
Mr. Krabs: Can
I borrow a penny?
SpongeBob:
A penny? Sure.
(checks his pocket)
Hmm, sorry. All out
of pennies right
now.
Mr. Krabs: But
did you check all your pockets?
SpongeBob: Well, I thought
I did.
Mr.
Krabs: Front pockets? (SpongeBob checks)
SpongeBob: Hmm,
No.
Mr. Krabs:
Back? (SpongeBob checks)
SpongeBob: Hmm-mm.
Mr. Krabs: Shirt pockets?
(SpongeBob checks)
SpongeBob: Nuh-uh.
Mr. Krabs: Shoe pockets?
SpongeBob:
(laughs) Shoe pockets. Oh, Mr. Krabs, that is just
ridiculous.
Mr.
Krabs: It is?
SpongeBob:
Well,
I
do
have
a
tie
pocket
though.
(SpongeBob
checks)
No,
not
in
there
either.
Mr. Krabs: Hey,
maybe it fell in your sock.
SpongeBob: Well, I...
Mr. Krabs: Did
you check there? (holds SpongeBob upside down, and
shakes him.
SpongeBob's brain falls
out) Uhh?
SpongeBob:
Hey,
look,
it's
my
brain!
(brain
grows
legs
and
walks
away)
Hey,
where's
it going? (brain
falls though a
crack) Ooh,
there. (brain crawls
on Squidward,
and
SpongeBob
and
Mr.
Krabs
follow
it.
They
find
it
under
a
barrel)
Aha!
(brain
squirts
liquid at him. SpongeBob laughs) Not so
fast, little guy. There now. Yes, I know.
Come here. (brain crawls back into
SpongeBob's head)
Mr. Krabs: Uhh?
SpongeBob: What's the matter Mr. Krabs?
Didn't you know I was a brain whisperer?
Mr. Krabs: So,
Uhh, no penny, huh?
SpongeBob: Nope.
Mr. Krabs: Darn! (cuts to
later when SpongeBob is mopping, and hears a
noise)
SpongeBob: Squidward, these definite
construction sounds are preventing me from
working.
Squidward: Me too.
SpongeBob: Do you think we
should walk out back to investigate?
Squidward: Never.
(SpongeBob and Squidward are now walking out back)
SpongeBob:
The
sounds
are
coming
from
back
here.
What
the?
(a
movie
theater
is
being
built)
Mr. Krabs:
Careful with those marquee ladders!
SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs,
you made your own movie theater!
Mr. Krabs: Yes I did.
SpongeBob: Yay!
Mr.
Krabs:
And
you're
just
in
time
for
the
grand
opening!
(pulls
a
lever
that
turns
on the
electricity on) Step right up folks, and witness a
spell binding tale chock
full of
adventure, and action, and thrills... (Mr. Krabs
is talking gibberish as
two fish walk
up)
Frank: You
know, I'm not really hungry.
Fred: Yeah, let's go see
what this fat guy is yelling about.
Mr. Krabs: ...witness the
terrifying challenges overcome by... by...
Fred: By who?
Mr. Krabs: by
a... by a pucky young sponge.
SpongeBob: Just like me!
Mr. Krabs:
That's right! And the best part is: admission is
only one penny!
Squidward: Does a movie like that even
exist?
Fred:
Yeah, does it?!
Mr. Krabs: Uhh, well, actually I was
going to show you this flip book and...
Squidward: A
flip book?
Fred: Yeah, I don't even know what that
is! (everyone walks away)
Mr. Krabs: No, wait. Noooooooo!
SpongeBob: Mr.
Krabs, can I see the movie now? Please?
Mr. Krabs: Of
course you can lad! You just gotta give me one
penny.
SpongeBob: But, But...
Mr. Krabs: But what?
SpongeBob:
But,
I
really
don't
have
a
penny.
(Mr.
Krabs
screams,
and
then
demolishes
the
movie
theater.
Cuts
to
night
where
SpongeBob
is
walking
to
the
Krusty
Krab)
Huh,
that's too bad. I
really wanted to see that movie. Oh well.
(Squidward is dressed
like a waiter)
Squidward: Good evening,
(SpongeBob whistles) and (Squidward looks at a
piece of
paper) welcome to the (looks
at paper) Krusty Krab semi-annual charity night.
SpongeBob:
Squidward? You look beautiful!
Squidward: Let me show you
to your table.
SpongeBob: My table? Fancy. (gasps) My
very own name tag! (lights turn off and
Squidward sighs, as he shines a flash
light on Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: Hello, and welcome to a very
important evening. Tonight's event is
entitled: Pennies, for the penny-less.
And before the following images are shown,
I would ask each of you to look not
look with your eyes, but with your heart. (Mr.
Krabs shows some images) Three dimes,
two nickles, one quarter, zero pennies. As
I realize the following images seen
here tonight may be wretchedly hideous, I am
going to tell you what you can do to
end this crimsoning: You can donate one penny
to
me:
Mr.
Krabs.
Also
known
as:
Mr.
Krabs,
the
man
who
doesn't
have
one.
(Mr.
Krabs
starts
crying and SpongeBob is crying too)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs:
(cheered up) Yes?
SpongeBob: I would like to donate a
penny.
Mr.
Krabs: You would?
SpongeBob: If I only had one. (starts
crying. Mr. Krabs's eyes go into his head,
and he screams. Scene then cuts to
SpongeBob's house. Mr. Krabs is using a flower
delivery truck to spy on his house. He
is speaking gibberish. He then notices
SpongeBob walking out the door. He then
walks in, with a metal detector. he then
looks around)
Mr. Krabs: Hiding it, somewhere. Hiding
it. Hiding it. Hiding it. Hiding it.
Gary: Meow.
Mr. Krabs: What's that?
You! You know where!
Gary: Meow. (Mr. Krabs picks him up)
Mr. Krabs: Tell
where!
Gary: Meow.
Mr. Krabs: Hiding it, inside, (reaches
into Gary's shell) in there, somewhere.
(lights come on, and SpongeBob walks
in)
SpongeBob:
(gasps)
Mr.
Krabs!
What
is
this
metal
detector
doing
on
the
floor?
These
should only be stored on special racks.
(gasps) And you're not wearing your metal
detector handling gloves!
Mr.
Krabs:
SpongeBob
I...
I...
I...I
just
wanted
that
penny
you
found
on
the
street
yesterday. Oh, I'm sorry.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, that
wasn't a penny. (laughs)
Mr. Krabs: It wasn't?
SpongeBob:
No,
that
was
just
a
dried
up
piece
of
gum
for
my
collection.
I
think
it's
peppermint.
Mr.
Krabs:
Ah-HA!
(laughing)
I
feel
so
relievied.
There
was
no
penny
after
all.
Well,
I'll be going now. You
can keep the metal detector, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob:
Thanks, Mr. Krabs. Here Gary, you can play with
that. (Gary sniffs it,
then spits on
it, then walks away. The gum then absorbs it) Hey,
this isn't gum at
all.
(pulls
it
out,
revealing
that
it
is
a
$$500
bill)
It's
just
a
dumb
old
$$500
bill.
This
won't
go
with
my
chewed
up
gum
collection.
Ah
well,
goodnight
Gary.
(turns
off
the
light. then zooms out revealing that Mr. Krabs is
digging holes outside of his
house
looking for the penny)
Mr. Krabs: Penny, must have buried it
around here somewhere. I've just gotta keep
digging.
*Nautical
Novice*
Dialogue
(Episode
Starts at Mrs. Puff's Boating School)
Mrs. Puff: Remember class,
there is only one way to park a boat: the safe
way. You
now see the importance of
proper steering, and a properly calibrated anchor.
(no
one is listening, except for
SpongeBob, who is writing notes and putting them
in
his brain) Which brings us to the
subject of rudder maintenance... (bell rings)
SpongeBob: Barnacles! Just as we were
getting to the nitty ritty.
Mrs. Puff: Wait a minute,
class! Remember, we will not be here tomorrow, we
will
be going on a field trip to the
boating museum. Now, run along kids.
SpongeBob:
Wow,
the boating museum!
Maybe
tomorrow if I can impress Mrs. Puff with
an extensive knowledge of boating
history, she'll give me a boating license on the
spot. (laughs, then pretends his desk
is a boat, then goes out) See you tomorrow,
Mrs. P.
Mrs. Puff: Neptune, give me strength!
(cuts to SpongeBob's house at night time)
SpongeBob:
Let's see. Huh, there she is. (SpongeBob reaches
for, and gets bumped
on the head with a
big book called
Gary: Meow. (SpongeBob get's the book
of his head) Meow?
SpongeBob: What is this Gary? Why, it's
the complete history of all boating ever.
And I'm going to memorize it tonight
for the big field trip tomorrow.
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: I'm perfectly
capable of reading 7,400 pages, and still getting
my
required 8 hours of sleep, before
the bus picks me up promptly at 8 A.M. tomorrow.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to
get started (Gary goes away) All right, let's
see what this little pamphlet is all
about. (reading) Chapter 1:
In the
beginning,
Neptune created the sail...
Narrator: 7:59 A.M.
SpongeBob:
(still reading) ...but such tragedies will be
avoided, with the flying
boat
of
the
future.
The
end
(finished
reading).
Time
for
a
little
shut
eye
before...
(falls asleep,
then his alarm clock wakes him up) Mrs. Puff,
can't this wait 'till
tomorrow?
(goes
back
to
sleep,
then
wakes
up)
Hang
on
a
minute,
it
is
tomorrow!
(runs
out of his house, to
get the bus) Hey, wait! Hey! (catches up with the
boat) Mrs.
Puff, please stop the bus!
(knocks on window)
Bus Driver: What was that?
Mrs. Puff: Noting! Uhh...
Just keep driving. (SpongeBob knocks again) Step
on it!
(bus driver does so)
SpongeBob: Wait!
(disappears)
Mrs. Puff: Phew. (SpongeBob gets on the
window, Mrs. Puff screams, and SpongeBob
gets in the bus)
SpongeBob: No worries, I
made it!
Mrs.
Puff: SpongeBob? You look terrible!
SpongeBob: I assure you, I
am well rested and ready to learn. Who knows Mrs.
Puff,
before the day is out, you may
have learned something yourself. (Mrs. Puff smells
his B.O., and sprays him with
Mrs. Puff: Yes,
SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I made this for you! (shows
her a tiny boat)
Mrs. Puff: Made What?
SpongeBob: This. The H-N-S
Pinifore. At 1 to 8,427 scale of course.
Mrs. Puff:
Thank you, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff?
Mrs. Puff: Yes, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Do
you know how many rowers it takes to propel a
tririne?
Mrs.
Puff: Well, that would be...
SpongeBob: Do you know
which boat is the fastest on record?
Mrs. Puff: Wasn't that
the...
SpongeBob: Did you know that in the
future, all boats will be powered by dolphin
manure? Did you know that the H-M-S
blutos was originally a racing boat before it
became
the
royal
family's
private
yacht?
Do
you
know
what
scuffling
is?
What's
bigger,
a
propeller,
or
a
sleet?
(cuts
to
later)
Ever
been
on
a...
(boat
stops,
and
SpongeBob
gets propelled on
to the windshield)
Bus Driver: We're here. (SpongeBob
melts, and then turns back to normal outside.)
Mrs.
Puff:
Welcome
class,
to
the
boating
museum.
This
enormous
vessel,
was
once
the
largest
in
all
the
seas.
But
now
that
it's
been
converted
into
a
museum,
it
no
longer
moves.
SpongeBob:
Actually, it get's taken to port once a year for
maintenance.
Mrs. Puff: If you don't mind SpongeBob,
I'll be doing the teaching today.
SpongeBob: No problemo,
Mrs. P. (they walk into the museum)
Mrs. Puff: Here it is
class, the most extensive collection of sea
fairing history
ever
assembled.
From
giant
naval
vessels,
to
more
modest
craft,
like
this
clamming
boat.
SpongeBob: I'd say this
baby can hold up to ten clam fishers.
Mrs. Puff: Uhh... Sure,
SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Why, I bet they reel in up
to 50 clams a day.
Mrs. Puff: Moving on. Over here we have
the Sandy Nub. It was a cargo ship used to
bring back exotic spices from far away
lands.
SpongeBob: (laughs) With 2 directing
steam turbines, producing 6,500 horse power,
geared up to triple screws, (snaps)
It'll get your spices where they need to go.
Mrs. Puff:
(angry) Thank you again, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob:
It's
working,
she's
noting
my
vast
knowledge!
I
can
now
taste
the
sweet,
sweet, lamination of
a fresh boating license! (cuts to them walking up
to another
boat)
Mrs. Puff: This class, is
the Lady Scallion...
SpongeBob:
...named
after
the
captain's
strict
diet
of
scallions.
Of
which
the
crew
complained,
and
the
captain's
odors
strongly
resembled.
For
4
years,
this
brigesteen
explored
distant
lands,
discovering
places
unknown
to
anyone,
except
the
people
who
all
ready
lived
there.
(Mrs.
Puff
is
very
angry)
Are
you
ready
to
give
me
that
license
yet,
Mrs. Puff?
Mrs.
Puff: Oh, you're gonna get it, all right!
SpongeBob:
I
knew
it!
(cuts
to
Mrs.
Puff
explaining
about
a
boat,
but
SpongeBob
has
the class on the boat, then she opens a
charcoal oven, revealing that SpongeBob is
in
there,
then
SpongeBob
explains
about
some
artifacts,
then
the
field
trip
is
over)
Mrs.
Puff:
Okay,
this
is
the
end
of
the
tour.
Any
thing
to
add
SpongeBob?
SpongeBob?
(notices
SpongeBob is not there. He is in the control room
of the boat)
SpongeBob: Ooh, boy! Here it is, the
main controls. Just look at all this stuff.
There's
the
triple
oscillator,
and
there's
the
hoist
pulley,
and
there's
the
booby
trap,
and
there's
the
long
range
mast
knob,
and
there's
a
hot
dog
with
extra
mustard.
(gasps) And there
is the starter mechanism. (points at key, but then
points at the
air
conditioning
button)
That,
right
there.
A.C.,
that's
short
for
automatic
cusitinata. And
that's fancy, fancy talk for let's get this party
started, like
instantly!
(SpongeBob
presses
it,
then
the
air
blows
at
him.
He
points
it
away
from
him, and the
key
accidentally goes in the
starting
position. The
boat
then
starts)
Phew, I'm glad that's
over. (notices jellyfish)
Oh, well that's a
nice
touch, what
a soothing
projection screen. (Mrs. Puff comes in)
Mrs. Puff:
That's not a projection screen! (jumps in
SpongeBob's lap) SpongeBob,
stop it
right now!
SpongeBob: Yes, ma'am. (SpongeBob puts
it in turbo speed)
Mrs.
Puff:
Oh
sweet
Poseidon!
Move
aside!
I've
gotta
stop
this
ship
before
it
plows
into
Bikini
Bottom.
Uhh,
let's
see,
the
first
thing
to
turn
off
is...
Oh,
dear
Neptune,
I've never driven anything this
advanced before. SpongeBob, I hope you knew what
you were talking about, because it's up
to you now!
SpongeBob: Okay.
Mrs. Puff: We don't have
much time, and if you mess this up, you'll be
flattening
millions of innocent lives!
SpongeBob:
Innocent lives?
Mrs. Puff: And you are the only one who
can save them!
SpongeBob: The only one, that, can
save, them?
Mrs.
Puff:
Yes!
Now,
what
I
want
you
to
do
is,
tighten
the
gurneys,
then
survey
the
poop
deck, then...
SpongeBob:
Stop!
I
know
what
to
do!
(SpongeBob
put's
a
captain
hat
on)
I
read
a
book.
Chapter
1,
batten
down
the
hatches.
(SpongeBob
closes
the
windows)
Next,
lower
anchor.
(the anchor gets
caught) Oh no, the anchor's stuck! I'm going to
have to free it
manually! I'll be right
back. (SpongeBob goes out and pulls on the anchor,
until
he frees it. He then goes back to
the control room) Done, and Done! Thirdly, utter
a hearty sea man's laugh. (SpongeBob
laughs a hearty laugh)
Mrs. Puff: Oh, my gravy! He
even knows the hearty laugh. He has been doing his
homework.
SpongeBob:
(Continues
laughing,
then
finishes.)
And
finally,
docro
digra.
The
only
way
to
park
the
largest
ship
ever
built,
is
by
performing
the
reverse
720
tale
spin.
Mrs. Puff: (gasps) But that's never
even been attempted before!
SpongeBob: You're right, it
hasn't. Not until now! (SpongeBob does it, making
the
ship stop right before it hits
Bikini Bottom. Both are relieved)
Mrs.
Puff:
SpongeBob,
I
don't
know
how,
but
you
did
it!
You
saved
us
all!
Let's
get
off this thing. ...and
the way you pulled the anchor out, genius! I never
thought
I'd say this, but here's your
driver's license!
SpongeBob: (screams) Oh boy! At long
last!
Porter:
What are you two doing here?
SpongeBob & Mrs. Puff: Huh?
Porter: No one
should be on board while I'm tugging the museum
into port.
Mrs.
Puff: You mean he wasn't driving this thing at
all?
Porter:
Heck no! (Mrs. Puff tears up SpongeBob's driver's
license. SpongeBob is
disappointed,
and
takes
off
his
hat)
Now
don't
get
so
down
kid.
Look,
for
your
false
bravery, I'm giving you you're honorary
Sea Legs, okay. Come on, let me buy you an
ice cream. (SpongeBob notices that the
head lights are on.
SpongeBob: Oh, gosh. (laughs) Head
lights are on!
Mrs. Puff & Porter: Don't touch
anything, you
twit!
(SpongeBob runs up the stairs)
Porter: Run! (they run, and
the ship falls on top of them. Mrs. Puff puffs up
at
the top, and SpongeBob pops up)
Mrs. Puff: Good
thing you studied.
103 *Spongicus*
Dialogue
(Episode starts at the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob is washing windows, and singing)
SpongeBob:
(singing)
How
much
chum
could
a
sea
slug
chug
if
a
sea
slug
could
chug...
(gasps, because he
notices something outside. He then uses a pay
phone to call Mr.
Krabs
in
his
office)
Mr.
Krabs,
you
gotta
get
out
here!
It's
a
code
blue
situation!
Mr. Krabs: Please deposit
25 cents to continue this call.
SpongeBob:
Sure
thing
Mr.
K.
(SpongeBob
puts
a
quarter
in
the
pay
phone)
Mr.
Krabs,
you gotta get out
here! It's a code blue situation!
Mr. Krabs: Code blue?! (Mr.
Krabs runs out of his office) What's the matter
boy?
SpongeBob:
I think Plankton wants to destroy our way of life.
Mr.
Krabs:
Man
alive!
(Plankton
has
a
wrecking
ball
near
the
Krusty
Krab)
He's
taking
us down!
Plankton: (laughs) Get ready Krabs,
(pulls a lever) for
the
surprise of
your life!
Mr.
Krabs:
Brace
yourself!
(Mr.
Krabs
hides
under
a
table,
and
SpongeBob
hides
under
a
barrel. The wrecking ball then misses the Krusty
Krab) Huh? (The wrecking ball
then
destroys the Chum Bucket) Plankton's destroying
the Chum Bucket? Heh, heh, I
guess
he's
finally
given
up
on
the
restaurant
business.
Couldn't
take
the
competition.
(a bull dozer
than drags a coliseum to where the Chum Bucket
was) What is that? (a
giant monitor
appears on top of the coliseum, and Plankton is on
it)
Plankton:
Greetings, citizens of Bikini Bottom. Behold my
imperial Chum Coliseum!
(nobody is
excited) I vow to introduce to this fair city,
culture, in the form of
hand to hand
grappling! (still nobody is excited) I intend to
enrich your lives
culturally, by
exibiting the moist spectacle of gladiators in
mortal conflict!
(still no one is
excited) My corporate under writers told me to
mention that it's
free! (everyone is
excited, and they run into the coliseum) Come one!
Come all!
Remember, kids love
gladiators.
Krusty Krab Customer 1: Wow, real live
conflict, for free!
Krusty
Krab
Customer
2:
Let
the
horror
show
begin!
(everyone
in
the
Krusty
Krab
runs
to the
coliseum)
Plankton:
(laughs,
now
talking
to
Karen)
Oh
Karen,
even
though
you're
just
a
frigid
machine, your circuts
must be welling up with emotion at my latest
achievement.
Karen: Oh yes, my resisters are simply
gushing from there copper foiled traces.
Plankton: This will prove to be my
greatest evil scheme ever!
Karen: That's what you said when you
tried to boil Krabs in a giant bisc.
Plankton:
I
can
still
feel
the
burns.
Which
is
why
I
removed
all
molten
liquid
from
this maneuver. And it's
why this time, I will be the one with all the
customers.
And Krabs will be the
pathetic one, in an empty restaurant, stuck with a
computer
for a wife. (Karen shuts down)
Uh, sorry honey.
SpongeBob: Wow, looks like Plankton
finally has some customers!
Mr. Krabs: I agree, it's
very suspicious. And he may have lured a few of
our
fair-whether customers in with some
cheap entertainment, but our loyal customers,
know quality when they taste it! So
let's get in there, and serve 'em up a burger
they
tell
there
grand-guppies
about!
(they
walk
into
the
Krusty
Krab,
and
it's
empty)
Where's all me loyal customers?
Squidward:
They've all taken there grand-guppies to see the
guts and gore across
the street.
Mr.
Krabs:
That
lower
life
form
can
slender
my
name,
and
disecrate
me
mother's
grave,
Mama Krabs: I'm right here!
Mr. Krabs: But
when he steals me customers, then I push back!
Gentlemen, to the
coliseum! (cuts to
the coliseum where there is a sign that says
2-DAY!
and Squidward
sit down) This reeks
of
evil. And I'm
going to sniff out the
source. (Mr. Krabs sniffs, then Plankton appears)
Plankton:
Welcome one and all, to the first bi-annual big
arena of annihilation!
(everyone
cheers)
SpongeBob: Whoo!
Plankton:
Brought
to
you
by
yours
truly.
So
without
further-a-due,
let
the
mauling
begin! (everyone cheers again)
Scooter: All
right!
SpongeBob:
Yay!
(Plankton
releases
a
Sea
Lion
into
the
ring.
Everyone
cheers
again)
Whoo! Isn't this a
boat load of fun Squidward? I can't wait to see
the poor sucker
who has to go against
that beast!
Squidward: You call this fun? This is
just cheap un-cultered lay sport.
Plankton: Now, release the
opponent.
SpongeBob: Yes! (Plankton releases
Patrick into the ring. Everyone cheers again)
Patrick? How could they? This is
horrible! (cries)
Squidward: This is fabulous! (laughs)
Plankton:
Enough dilly-dallying. Send out the blood
sausages! (two people put a
necklace of
sausages on Patrick)
Patrick:
All
right!
(Patrick
is
about
to
eat
a
sausage,
then
the
lion
growls
at
him.
Plankton laughs)
Plankton: That pink dim-wit
doesn't stand a chance with those sausages around
his
throat! As soon as the smell of
sausage hits that ravenous lion fishes nostrils,
he'll be all over Patrick like mold on
a shower curtain!
Audience Member 2: Rip his sausages
off!
Patrick:
Ohh. Nice kitty. (notices sausages) Here kitty,
want a sausage? A nice,
delicious,
tasty, sausage. (takes a bite out of the sausage.
The lion snatches it
from him, and
growls at him) Spotamcafeltafish! (runs from the
lion)
SpongeBob: I can't sit here and watch
this! That's my best friend out there!
(SpongeBob jumps into a chariot, and
goes toward Patrick) Patrick!
Patrick: What? Oh, oh it's
you. Hey, how's it going buddy?
SpongeBob:
No
time for chit chat, get in!
(SpongeBob
pulls Patrick in
the chariot)
Hurry up nelly!
Peterson: Boo!
Mama Krabs: Boring! I want to see some
body parts!
Mr.
Krabs: Mom!
Plankton: This is ridiculous! I order a
simple brutal mauling for my denasenses,
and I get a circus act!
Time
for
phase 2! (cuts
to Plankton with
a Chum
Stick) Chum
on a Stick! Get
your fresh chum right here! Some chum for you
miss?
Sadie:
Well, all this waiting around for someone to get
mauled is making me a bit
hungry.
Plankton: Here, take this
one. It's fresh and warm, like my hospitality.
Sadie: Why
thank you.
Plankton: Just ten dollars please.
Sadie: Ten
dollars? Why would I pay ten dollars, when I can
go across the street
and get a Krabby
Patty for one dollar?
Mr. Krabs: Exactly!
Plankton: You don't get
this kind of entertainment with a Krabby Patty, do
you?
Sadie: No,
I suppose not.
Plankton: Ten dollars, or the fights
off!
Sadie: Ah,
fine, whatever.
Plankton: Here you are. I'm sure I've
made a satisfied customer of you all ready.
(Sadie spits it out)
Sadie: That was appalling!
What was in that?
Plankton:
Oh,
just
the
usual
ingredients.
Some
jellyfish
squeezings,
whale
blubber,
sea horse snout, and a sprinkle of
anchor rust. (Sadie throws up)
Sadie:
Oh
barnacles,
that's
foul!
(everyone
tries
to
leave,
but
Plankton
locks
all
the
exits)
Plankton:
Now,
I've
been
waiting
for
20
years
to
have
the
amount
of
customers
Krabs
sees
everyday!
And
I
won't
let
that
be
ruined
because
the
show's
boring,
or
the
foods
in-edible. So sit
down, enjoy the show and by some chum! (everyone
walks back to
there seat with a chum
stick. Scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick)
SpongeBob: What
do we do now Patrick?
Patrick: Don't worry, I'm all ready
doing it. (Patrick is eating a sausage)
SpongeBob: No!
(slaps the sausage out of his hands) Patrick, now
is not the time
for eating, now is the
time to avoid being eaten by that giant... Huh?
(the lion
eats
the
sausage
that
SpongeBob
slapped
out
of
Patrick's
hand,
then
chases
them
again)
That's
it
Patrick!
He's
not
chasing
us,
he's
chasing
those
tasty,
tender,
delicious,
suculant
sausages
around
your
neck.
(SpongeBob
throws
the
sausages
off
of
Patrick)
Plankton: Chum
on a stick. Get your chum. (notices sausages) What
the? (sausages
land
on
Plankton)
Oh
great!
Now
how
am
I
going
to
entertain
the
masses?
(lion
growls
at him) Hey watch
where you're... (notices the lion, and it growls
at him again)
Oh dear! (screams, then
the lion growls at him. He then runs out of a tiny
door)
Phew. Good thing I thought ahead,
with that escape door. Try and catch me now, you
frissy
feline.
(laughs,
then
the
lion
busts
a
hole,
allowing
him
to
get
out.
Plankton
then screams, because he's chasing him)
No! Nice kitty. Want some chum? (cuts to
the Krusty Krab, where all the
customers are there again)
Mr. Krabs: You know I'm not one to give
out comments likely, I've gotta hand it to
you boy, (referring to SpongeBob) if
you didn't throw those sausages into the
audience, we would have been dead meat!
SpongeBob: My
pleasure captain!
Patrick:
Yeah,
thanks
buddy!
You
really
saved
my
behind!
No
joke!
(shows
that
there's
a hole in his pants,
revealing his butt)
Mr. Krabs: I think that it's safe to
say, that no matter how diabolical Plankton's
plans may be, he'll never have the
loyalty, of me good customers.
Scooter: One Krabby Patty
please.
Mr.
Krabs: But of course, my good customer. That'll be
ten dollars.
Scooter: Ten dollars? What happened to
one dollar?
Mr.
Krabs: Ahem, perhaps you'd like to speak to our
financial expert. (financial
expert,
is
the
lion
that
was
chasing
Plankton.
Scooter
is
scared,
and
gives
Mr.
Krabs
ten dollars)
Scooter: Stupid inflation.
Mr.
Krabs:
Thanks
for
your
business.
(everyone
laughs,
they
then
stop
and
walk
away.
The lion then growls,
and the episode ends)
*Suction Cup
Symphony*
Dialogue
(Squidward is playing his clarinet, and
SpongeBob is gardening, then SpongeBob
notices him playing clarinet)
SpongeBob:
Sound like Squidward ate at Mario's last night.
(laughs) Good thing no
one's
around
to
notice
his
embarrassing...
(gasps,
because
he
sees
two
guys
working
on a
bill board.) Those construction workers! Squidward
will die of embarrassment
if
they
hear
his
dilemma!
Poor
Squidward,
he
must
be
in
too
much
pain
to
make
courtesy
noises. (breathes in then puffs out his
chest) I'll cover for him! Whoa! (trying
to
get
the
construction
workers
attention)
Sorry
fellas,
this
sure
is
a
noisy
trowel.
(makes noises) Look
at this thing! (construction workers go back to
work, and
SpongeBob laughs) Ah, I
really should get... (Squidward plays his clarinet
again,
and SpongeBob tries to make the
noises again. Squidward notices him)
Squidward: SpongeBob, will
you keep it down? I am trying to hold my musical
talent
here.
SpongeBob: You mean that wasn't gastro
intestinal distress?
Squidward: And you guys! (referring to
the workers) Do you really think that bill
board is more important than my musical
genius?
Worker
1: Well sorry, but some of us rather enjoy the
Bikini Bottom Symphony
Orchestra.
Squidward:
Bikini Bottom Symphony Orchestra?
Worker 1: And we find there
public announcements to be quite interesting.
(other
worker puts up a part that says
Squidward:
Original
Compositions
Wanted?
Me,
a
famous
composer?
(Squidward
imagines
himself
riding
in
a
limbo)
Thank
You!
(he
then
walks
out
of
the
limbo
and
walks
down
a red
carpet. He then imagines himself composing. Then
it goes back to Squidward.
He melts
from the thought of it) That would be nice. (runs
outside and kisses the
worker)
Worker 1: Ew!
Squidward:
Wooo-hooo! Yeah! Yeah!
SpongeBob: You've really made him
happy.
Worker
2: I know what I've done!
SpongeBob: (confused) Okay.
(cuts to later when Squidward is writing)
Squidward:
Okay
(breathes
in
then
out)
Get
it
together
Squidward.
Put
your
game
face
on. (Squidward puts a mask on himself,
that says
(picks
up
his
pen)
Take
your
time
with
this
one
Squidward
old
boy.
(hears
something
outside. Screams
as he notices a sign next to the Orchestra sign
that says
Tomorrow
my master
piece! (SpongeBob is next to him)
SpongeBob: Don't worry,
Squidward, we'll do it together!
Squidward: No! (Shapes
SpongeBob into a ball) Get out! (tries to kick the
ball out
the window. then another ball
comes back, and it is Patrick) Patrick? What are
you
doing here?
Patrick:
Uh...
I
don't
know.
I'm
funny.
(puts
Patrick
in
a
ball,
then
kicks
it,
then
SpongeBob and Patrick come back in one
ball, then turn back into there selves)
SpongeBob: Are
you sure you don't want any help Squidward?
Squidward: No
thank you. (drops them out the window) I am a
solitary artiste.
Patrick: SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick?
Patrick: Well,
I think I broke my bottom.
SpongeBob:
(laughs)
Oh,
broke
your
bottom.
Oh,
Patrick,
your
a
card!
(shows
him
his
butt) Whoa! (there are
two bones sticking out of it)
Patrick: Yeah. (sticks the
bones back up his butt, they then are in his
mouth) Ah.
Much Better.
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, I
think you should see a doctor.
Patrick: I can't see a
doctor. My job doesn't provide me with health
insurance.
SpongeBob: What job is that?
Patrick:
Exactly. (cuts to later where Squidward is
writing, and laughing)
Squidward: I'm a genius.
SpongeBob:
The
doctor
will
see
you
now,
Mr.
Star.
(SpongeBob,
and
Patrick
are
playing
doctor.
SpongeBob
is
using
a
blood
pressure
pump,
to
blow
up
Patrick,
then
pops
him,
then returns to normal, and SpongeBob
stops the stop watch) Hm, Hm, Hm.
Squidward: Can't you two be
quiet for one day? My composition is due tomorrow.
SpongeBob: Oh
no! No, No, No, No, No! My patient is very sick!
Patrick: Hey, I
broke my butt!
Squidward:
Become
famous,
revenge
later.
(thinking)
Come
on!
Be
inspired!
(cuts
to
Squidward's brain where
there is a rain storm going on. The storm then
stops, and
a
rainbow
comes
out
of
Squidward's
head.
He
then
starts
writing)
Brilliant!
(he
hears
Patrick
screaming. He then continues writing, but hears
Patrick screaming again,
and
his
rainbow
then
melts)
No!
(starts
crying)
Why?
Why?
Oh,
Why?
(Patrick
is
hitting
his
knee
with
a
hammer,
and
SpongeBob
is
timing
how
long
it
takes
until
he
screams.
He
then
writes
something
down
on
his
clipboard.
Squidward
goes
back
to
writing,
but
is
interrupted
when
SpongeBob
his
looking
at
Patrick's
mouth.
Then
by
an
X-ray,
then
by
some squeaking. He then struggles to write, but
keeps getting interrupted by
screaming.
Hours pass by and then Squidward is
finally
finished) I did it!
(kisses
it then laughs) Yes! (runs
outside) I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it!
And I
did it!
Patrick: (laughs) Did what? (Squidward
runs over to the stadium)
Squidward: Here you go, maestro, my
masterpiece.
Conductor:
Hm,
Oh,
Very
unusual.
I
think
we
have
a
winner
Mr.
Tentacles!
(Squidward
smiles. Cuts to
later where Squidward is about to conduct his
song)
News
Fish: Good evening, music lovers of Bikini Bottom.
Tonight, is the premiere
of
a
new
symphony,
written
by
one
of
our
own,
Squidward.
(Squidward
walks
up
on
stage
and
starts
his
song.
Everything
is
fine
until
he
hears
Patrick
going
then
doing
the hammer thing)
Squidward: I
wrote down everything I heard? (Gulps and looks at
the audience.
SpongeBob drops a brick
on Patrick's leg, then an anchor)
Audience
Member
1:
That's
gonna
leave
a
mark!
(SpongeBob
then
squeaks
a
rubber
duck
near
Patrick,
then
uses
the
X-ray,
then
the
laugh
machine,
then
reading
magazines,
then
SpongeBob
plays
with
his
brain,
then
he's
reading
magazines
again,
then
using
the X-ray again, Then the laugh
machine, then the duck, then the magazine, then
playing with the brain, then using the
blood pressure pump to pump up Patrick, all
in tune with the song)
Audience
Member
2:
Poor
little
guy.
(Patrick
lands
on
Squidward,
then
the
song
ends)
Squidward:
Patrick,
get
off
of me! (Patrick does so. Squidward growls
at him, then
looks at the
audience. Squidward begins to walk off the stage,
but then everyone
begins cheering.)
Audience Member
3: Ooh, now that's what I call music!
Audience Member 4: That
little yellow guy is awesome!
Audience Member 5: Let us
not forget the chubby starfish!
Audience Member 6: Oh yeah,
but the real genius is the composer! (everyone
chants
SpongeBob: Wow Squidward, they really
liked you! Just don't get a
(Squidward's head begins to inflate,
because Patrick is using the blood pressure
pump. The screen then goes blank as his
head explodes)
104 *Not Normal*
Dialogue
(night turns into morning where birds
are chirping and SpongeBob laughs)
Squidward:
Ooh... What the... (groans) ...now?
SpongeBob: La,
la, la... (Squidward walks outside to SpongeBob's
house) La-la-la,
la, la-la-
la...
Squidward:
Stop!
(SpongeBob
stops)
What
could
you
possibly
be
trying
to
do
this
time?
SpongeBob: I'm
not trying to do anything. I'm just having a
decent morning.
Squidward: By running around and
screaming like a banshee?
SpongeBob:
Oh,
Squidward,
a
banshee
screams
like
this:
(loud
scream
like
an
eagle)
Ahh... (Squidward
grabs SpongeBob's mouth)
Squidward: There are two
kinds of people. There are people that are normal.
(cut
to an aquarium of fish) Then
there's you. (pokes one of SpongeBob's
holes)
SpongeBob: Really?
Squidward: Yes,
really! Maybe you should start being a little more
normal! (walks
away and growls)
Doh...
SpongeBob:
I'm
not
normal?
(Squidward
walks
back
into
his
house
and
crawls
back
into
bed)
Squidward? (sitting on Squidward) How does one
become normal?
Squidward:
Well,
how
about
you
start
by...
(cut
to
shot
of
outside
Squidward's
house
where
Squidward
kicks
SpongeBob
through
the
roof)
getting
away
from
me,
you
little
creature!
SpongeBob: What's wrong
with me? I need to understand normal!
Hmm, this video should help.
TV: Are you
tired of being called a freak? Do people throw you
out of their homes?
Well, do
they?
SpongeBob: Yes, yes, and
yes.
TV: Then join me as I take you on a
SpongeBob: (tranfixed)
Normaaaality.
TV: The life of a normal person is
rather simple. (door opens with a fish smiling
and dressed professionally for work)
Here is your typical average Joe on his way
to work. See how he is dressed. (hair
is combed neatly) Even his hair is boring.
(zoom in on the
dimples) Notice his features, nice and smooth
without a crater or
freckle to be
seen.
SpongeBob: (rubs his face)
Craters and freckles?
TV: In his office space,
Mr. Normal, at least that's what it says on his
name tag
works at a steady and
monotonous pace just as all the other normals do.
Take note
of how they communicate with
each other.
Mr. Normal: Hi, how are you?
TV:
At
the
end
of
the
day
Mr.
Normal
packs
his
things
and
goes
home
to
merrily
start
the
cycle again in the morning.
SpongeBob:
Yeah...
(cut to next day at the Krusty
Krab)
Customer: I want one Krabby
Patty.
Squidward:
Oh, great.
SpongeBob, I need one Krabby Patty. (bells
rings as the food
tray
is
presented
to
Squidward)
What,
no
annoying
blurbs
today?
(looks
through
the
empty kitchen window)
Hmm... strangely quiet. (walks into the kitchen
to get a cup
of water but as
he is getting the drink, he notices the office
space behind him)
SpongeBob?
SpongeBob:
(typing on the computer) Hi, how are
you?
Squidward: What's the meaning of
this?
SpongeBob: I took your advice. From now
on, I'm normal. (shows name tag that reads