英语幽默笑话故事带翻译
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英语幽默笑话故事带翻译
篇一：英语短文笑话
(
带翻译
)
1
、
How
much English can you speak?
theft. He arrived in New
York City a week ago and barely knew his way
around. What's more, he
only speaks a
few words of English.
The judge looked at the
defendant and asked,
The defendant
looked up and said,
中文翻译
法官先生
，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎
不认路。而且
，他只会说几个英语单词。
法官看了看被告，问道：
你会说多少英文？
被告抬
起头，说：
把你的钱包给我！
2
A husband,
proving to his wife that women talk more than men,
showed her a study which
indicated that
men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas
women use 30000 words a
day. She
thought about this for a while and then told her
husband that women use twice as many
words as men because they have to
repeat everything they say.
He said,
丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果，为了向她证明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每
天使用
15000
个字，而女人每天使用
30000
个。
妻子想
了一会儿说，女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍，因为她们必须重复已经说过的
话。
他问：
什么？
3
Boy: Is this seat empty?
Girl: Yes, and
this one will be if you sit down.
男孩：这个座位是空的么？
女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。
4
、
him
any.
汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？
妈妈在厨房里问。
他在哭。
没事儿，妈妈，
汤姆答道。
< br>
我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。
< br>
他已经吃完自己的了么？
是的。
我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。
2009-6-7
A guy says to
his friend,
The friends says,
The
first guys says,
路人甲对路人乙说，
猜猜我兜里有几个子儿？
路人乙
说：
我猜对了，你能给我一个不？
路人甲说：
你要猜对了，我两个全部给你！
2009-6-6
研究生和本科生的区别
can
always
tell
a
graduate
class
from
an
undergraduate
class,
said
an
instructor
at
a
university
graduate
engineering
course.
I
say
'Good
afternoon,'
the
undergraduates
respond 'Good afternoon.' But the
graduate students just write it down.
一个教师在研究生工程学课堂上说
：
我一眼就能看出来哪些是本科生，
哪
些是研究生。
我说
'
< br>下午好
'
的时候，本科生回答
'
下午好
'
，而研究生则把这句话记在本
子上。
2009-6-5
Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month
has 28 days?
Tom: Every month.
爸爸：
告诉我汤姆，哪个月有
28
天呢？
汤姆：每个月都有啊！
2009-6-4making
faces
Finding
one of her students making faces at others on the
playground, Ms Smith stopped to
gently
reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday
school teacher said,
child I was told
if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and
stay like that
and replied,
史密斯小姐发现她的一名学生在操
场上向别人做鬼脸，便去轻责他。
这位主日学校的老师甜甜地微笑着
，说：
博比，我小的时候，有人告诉我如果我做鬼
脸，我的脸就会僵硬，永远都那么丑。
博比抬
头看了看老师，说：
史密斯小姐，你可别说没人警告过你啊。<
/p>
2009-6-3
A guy goes to visit his grandma and he
brings his friend with him.
While he's
talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating
the peanuts on the coffee table,
and
finishes them off.
As they're
leaving, his friend says to his grandma,
She says,
一名男子带着朋友去探望他的祖母。
当他和
祖母聊天时，
他的朋友开始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，
并把花生都给
吃光了。
他们
离开时，他的朋友对祖
母说
:
谢谢您的花生。
结果祖母说
:
唉！自从我牙齿掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆
外层的巧克力了。
2009-6-2
A father was trying to
teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm
in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of
whiskey. The worm in
the water lived,
while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
一位父亲打算让自己的儿子知道酒精有多么可怕。
他把分别把两只虫子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做对比。清水里虫子安然无恙，结
果威士忌里的虫子蜷缩了几下就挂掉了。
所以，儿子啊，
父亲问道，
< br>
得出什么结论？
恩，这说明，你只要喝酒的话，肚里就不会长虫了！
< br>
2009-6-1
Looking very
unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-
room.
to me on the day you
swallowed it?
tell
you
the
truth,
Doctor,
the
poor
man
replied,
didn't
need
the
money
so
badly
then.
中文翻译：
一个看起来很难受的穷人走进大夫的诊室。
大夫！<
/p>
他说，
帮帮我！
一个月前我吞了一分硬币！
天哪，
大夫说，
早干嘛去了？你当时怎么不来看？
实话告诉您吧，大
夫，
穷人说，
我当时还不缺钱！
2009-5-31
Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before?
Onec or twice?
Girl: Must've been once. I never make
the same mistake twice.
男孩：嗨，我们之前是不是约会过
，是一次还是两次，我忘记了。
女孩：应该只有一次吧，我从不犯两次同样的错误。
2009-5-30
In
an
entrance examination
of
a
conservatory
of music,
a
teacher
asked
one
of
the
boys,
in
reply disdainfully.
在一次音乐学院的入学考试中，<
/p>
老师问其中一个男孩：
音乐家最重要的生
理素质是什
么？
耳聋，
男孩答道。
胡说！
老师气愤地说。
怎么了，先生！难道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音乐家贝多芬是个聋子
吗？
男孩轻蔑地反
问道。
2009-5-28
A man sat at a
bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.
Bartender:
The
man:
had
a
fight,
and
she
told
me
that
she
wasn't
going
to
speak
to
me
for
a
month.
The
man:
一个男人坐在酒吧里，伤心至极。
酒吧招待：
你怎么了？跟老婆闹矛盾了？<
/p>
男人：
我们
吵了一架，她说一个月都不跟我说话。
酒吧招
待：
那你应该高兴才是啊！
男人：
不，今天是这个月的最后一天。
【
Laughter
】
2009-5
-27
A woman worries about the future until
she gets a husband. A man never worries about
the future until he gets a wife.
女人找了老公之前都在担忧未来。男人娶了老婆之前从来不为未来担忧。
2009-5-26
A man will pay $$2 for a $$1 item he
wants. A woman will pay $$1 for a $$2 item that she
doesn't
want.
男人想要的东西，要是值
1
块钱却卖
2
块，他也会买；而对于女人，即使是
不想要的
东西，要是值
2
块钱却只卖<
/p>
1
块，她也会买。
2009-5-25
The female dormitory will be out-of-
bounds for all male students and vice versa.
caught breaking this rule will be fined
$$20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the
2nd
time will be fined $$60. Being caught a 3rd time
will incur a fine of $$180. Are there any
questions?
At
this
moment,
a
male
student
in
the
crowd
inquires,
much
for
a
season pass?
女生宿舍将全面禁止男生进入，男生宿舍也同样不得女生光临。
不论是谁，一旦违规，初犯将被罚款
20<
/p>
美元。再犯要被罚款
60
美元。第
3
次被抓需
要交
18
0
美元的罚款。还有什么疑问么？
这时人
群中一个男同学问道，
那么一个季度通行证需要多少钱？
2009-5-24
Boy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Actually
I'd rather have the money.
男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？
女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。
2009-5-22
Doctor: Your
cough sounds much better today.
Patient: It
should. I've been practicing all night.
医生：听上去你咳嗽今天好多了。
病人：应该如此。我昨晚练习了一整夜。