英文幽默故事
作文童年趣事-
Lesson 1
A cat
’
s foreign
language
rat
fat
cat
The
mother
rat
and
her
babies
are
playing
in
the
garden.
A
fat
cat
is
coming
to
catch
them for dinner.
The
mother
rat
and
her
babies
try
to
run
away.
But
the
baby
rats
can
‟
t
run
very
fast.
The cat is getting closer and closer.
Suddenly,
the mother rat stops running
and turns around.
She
shouts
at
the
cat
like
an
angry
dog,
“
woof,
woof,
woof.
”
The
cat
is
afraid
and
runs away.
The mother rat turns to her
babies, and says,
“
You
see
how
important
it
is
to
learn
a
foreign
language.
”
Lesson 2
It is part of the
game.
plate
wake
late
Mom
is washing plates in the kitchen. Kate
and her brother Dave are playing games
in the
living
room.
Kate
is
making
a
lot
of
noise.
Mom
says,
“
Kate,
why
do
you
yell
and
scream
so
much?
You
‟
re
going
to
wake
up
your grandma. Please play
quietly like Dave.
See, he
doesn
‟
t make a
sound.
”
“
Of
course,
he
doesn
‟
t.
Mom,
it
‟
s
part
of
the game
we are playing. He is daddy coming
home
late, and I
„
m
you.
”
Lesson3
The best Present.
best
get
wet
Ben
and Ted are good friends. They always
play together.
One
day,
Ted
sees
a
water
gun
in
Ben
‟
s
hand, and he asks,
“
Who gave you the
gun
?”
“M
y
grandpa,
”
Ben
says,
“
and
this
is
the
best
present I have ever had.
”
“
why?
”
Ted asks.
“
when I play with it, I get
everything wet.
So
my
mom
gives
me
five
dollars
for
not
playing with
it.
”
Ben answers.
Lesson 4
I have his ear in my pocket.
his
big
kid
Tim is a naughty boy. He
often fights with
his classmates at
school. One day, Tim comes
home
with
a
bloody
nose.
His
mother
asks,
“
Tim, what
happened?
”
“
A big kid bit
me.
”
Tim answers.
His mother is very angry to hear this.
“
Would you recognize him if
you saw him
again?
”
asks his
mother.
“
I
„
d know him
anywhere.
”
Says Tim.
“
I
have his ear
in my pocket.
”
Lesson 5
My dog
doesn‟t
bite.
white
bite
nice
Mike
walks
into
a
pet
shop
and
sees
a
little
white
dog.
He
asks
the
shopkeeper,
“
Does your dog bite?
”
The shopkeeper says,
“
No, my dog
doesn‟t
bite.
”
“
What a nice
dog,
”
Mike says to himself.
Then
he
bends
down
and
tries
to
touch
the
dog. The dog bites him.
“
Ouch!
”
he cries,
“
You said your dog did
not bite!
”
The
shopkeeper
replies,
“
That
is
not
my
dog.
”
Lesson 6
I was
not lost.
dog
stop
hot
Bob
is
an
old
man.
He
often
walks
his
dog in the street after
dinner and comes back
home at seven
o
‟
clock.
One
evening,
a
car
stops
at
his
house.
A
policeman
helps
Bob
get
out
of
the
car.
The
policeman says to Bob
„
s wife,
“
This old man
got lost in the street. He asked me to
take him
home in the
car.
”
After
the
policeman
leaves,
Bob
‟
s
wife
asks,
“
Bob,
you
go
to
that
street
every
day.
How could you get
lost?
”
“
I was not lost. It was too
hot. I just didn
‟
t
want to go home on
foot,
”
Bob answers.
Lesson 7
I broke them all.
coke
nose
broke
Little
Rose
is
watching
TV
.
Her
mother
asks,
“
Rose,
what
‟
s on
TV?
”
“
A guy is drinking a glass
of coke through
his
nose.
”
“
Stop watching that stupid
thing. Please go
to the shop and buy
some eggs for me.
”
“
Okay,
mom.
”
“
Be careful not to choose
any bad ones.
”
Half an hour later, Rose comes back
home
with
a
yellow
plastic
bag.
Her
mother
takes
the bag, and looks
inside.
“
What is it?
”
she asks.
“
Eggs,
of
course!
”
Rose
say,
“
I
broke
them all.
Every one is good.
”
“
Are you
joking?
”
her mother asks.
Lesson 8
A man with a gun.
bus
run
gun
It
‟
s
a
sunny
day.
A
woman
gets
off
the
bus and
goes into a butcher shop to buy some
meat. A strange man follows her into
the shop.
At that time, some policemen
are passing by.
They find a gun in the
man
‟
s pocket. The man
is a robber.
“
Madam,
thank
you
very
much.
Your
scream
saved
me,
”
the
butcher
says
,
“
but
how did you
know he was a robber?
”
“
I
didn
‟
t
know,
”
replies
the
woman,
“
I
screamed
because
the
meat
was
too
expensive.
”
Lesson 9
Just
use a pencil.
cute
excuse
use
Tom
is
a
little
boy.
He
is
cute,
but
also
very naughty.
One evening, he
eats a ballpoint pen. His
mom
quickly
calls
the
doctor,
“
Excuse
me,
doctor,
my
son
ate
a
ballpoint
pen.
Please
come
doctor,
my
son
ate
a
ballpoint
pen.
Please come to my house
at once.
”
“
I‟
m
sorry, but it is too late.
I‟
m already
in
bed.
”
The doctor refuses to
help.
“
Then what shall I
do?
”
the mother says
anxiously.
“
Don
‟
t worry, mom. You can
just use a
pencil,
”
Tom says
in pain.
Lesson 10
A
smart answer
far
car
smart
Mark
‟
s
father
has
a
farm.
It
‟
s
far
away
from the
city. One day Mark goes to the farm
with his father by car.
On
the
farm,
Mark
sees
many
hens.
He
looks
at
the
hens
and
the
question
comes
to
his
mind.
He
asks
his
father,
“
Why
are
the
hens
‟
legs so
short, dad?
”
Mark
‟
s
father
smiles
and
says,
“
If
the
hens
‟
legs are
long, they will drop their eggs
into
pieces.
”
“
Dad,
you
are
so
smart.
You
know
everything,
”
Mark says.
Lesson 11
I’
m the driver
over
sister
driver
School is over.
My sister and I are hurrying
home
for
dinner.
We
fight
our
way
onto
the
bus. The
bus is really crowded. Just then, we
see a man trying to get on, but no one
gives
way to him.
“
Hey,
let
me
get
on
the
bus!
”
the
man
shouts.
“
I
t‟
s too crowed.
You
‟
d better take the next
bus,
”
a passenger
says to him.
“
But
you
can
‟
t
go
without
me.
I‟
m
the
driver!
”
the man
answers.
Lesson 12
A bedtime story about birds
skirt
bird
third
It
‟
s
time
for
bed.
Mary
takes
off
her
skirt
and
puts on her pajamas. But she
isn
‟
t sleepy
at
all. So the little girl asks her mother to tell
her a very, very long story, or she is
not going
to bed. So her mother begins
to tell her a story
like this,
“
There is a very big old
house, and
there
is
some
rice
in
it.
One
day,
a
big
bird
goes
into
the
house
and
comes
out
with
a
grain of rice. Then another bird goes
into the
house
and
comes
out
with
a
brain
of
rice.
Then
a
third
bird
goes
into
the
house
and
comes out with a grain
of rice. Then a fourth
bird
…
Then a
fifth bird
…”
“
Stop, stop! I want to
sleep,
”
Mary shouts.
Lesson 13
A bad school report
horse
sport
short
Ford was born
in the year of the horse. He
is
a
third-grade
student.
He
likes
playing
sports, but
doesn
‟
t like his lessons.
His father
is forty years old and has a
short temper. One
day, ford gets his
school report, and it is not a
good
one.
Ford knows
what will happen if his father
sees the
report, but he has to ask his father to
sign it. At last, he has a good idea.
In the evening
, ford turns off the light. The
room
is
very
dark.
Then
he
gives
his
father
the
school report, and says,
“
can you sign it
in the dark,
dad?
”
Ford gets what he
wants.
Lesson 14
The
nurse should
give me some money
nurse
turn
purse
One
day, Joe is ill. His mother takes him to
the hospital. The doctor asks the nurse
to give
him an injection. Joe cries for
a long time.
“
Dear
son,
don
‟
t
cry.
You
‟
ll
feel
better
after
a while.
”
When Joe turns around, he
sees his mother
take out some money
from her purse and give
it to the
nurse. Joe says angrily ,
“
No, she hurt
me.
She
made
me
cry.
She
should
give
me
some
money.
Lesson 15
A different roast every day
coat
boat
goat
Jack puts on
his thick coat and leaves home
for
his
winter
holiday.
He
takes
a
boat
to
a
small
island
and
wants
to
stay
there
for
two
weeks. But four days
later, he is back home.
His mother asks
why.
“O
n the first day, a goat
died, and we had
roast
mutton
for
dinner,
”
Jack
says,
“
On
the
second day, a cow died, and we had
roast beef
for
dinner.
On
the
third
day,
a
pig
died,
and
we had
roast pork for dinner.
”
“
Very
good.
A
different
roast
every
day.
”
His mother says.
“
On the fourth day, a
farmer died, and we
didn
‟
t dare to
stay for dinner,
”
Jack says.